Riding the Dragon

Dr. McCurry talks about being in a "riding the dragon" mindset when parenting kids. Instead of head butting and crashing into rocks, dive into the madness, paddle into the current fast, hang on to the tail of the dragon and go with the energy. Elliot lately has been begging me in the most desperate whiny voice to buy him this grotesque baby skeleton in a cage that we saw in Target. Tonight he started in again, "whyyyy wouldn't you buy me the skeleton in the cage that I wanted. I waaaaanted it." I said, "It was disturbing and gross. I didn't want to buy it." He said, "It wasn't a baby, it was a person." More whining.

With my new dragon mind, I said, "You really like skeletons, you really like bones don't you." "I do because they're the inside of a person." he said. It worked like a charm, perfect verbal redirection. We then talked about how next semester he'll take the after school science class. Totally into it. Maybe I don't need to slay any dragons elsewhere in my life.

We'll see if it works with Asher. Ok, wear your spiderman pajamas to school. Ok, cry into your ice cream that's too sweet. too cold. too rich. too much. Too many choices and no limits isn't good either. We'll see.

He's still in the dreamscape of babyhood. When I read him "Brown Bear" he pretends to eat a little piece of each animal's tongue. "Yum" he says. He asks for cod liver oil. He asks his parents to "look at the poop" on the sidewalk. In the Halloween costume book he points to the picture of the boy dressed as an alien and says, "Asher."

Our Trip to the Pumpkin Patch

We decided to go to the all organic South 47 Farm in Redmond this year to pick a pumpkin (got a little bit lost, but what's a trip to the pumpkin patch without a little argument about how to get there?). The trip was worth it. The pumpkin selection was slim, but it wasn't as crowded as Craven Farm either. South 47 has a huge corn maze, apple cider, bales of hay for the kids to jump on, kettle corn and a farmer's market. Just perfect for us. The sun was out, Buzzy Bee came with us and we had a great time.

The assistant manager of the farm gave us a hay ride tour and educated us about their organic crops: 1) they keep honey bees to pollinate the flowers, fruits, vegetables and herbs 2) their blueberries aren't doing well for the second year in a row and 3)they have a small flock of goats. Asher was thrilled by the bumpy hay ride. Whoopee!

Weeds

Danny and I watched the whole first season of Weeds in one weekend a few weeks ago. Each night in bed we gobbled up the episodes on our laptop three or four at a time (1/2 hour episodes are particularly addictive - this happened to us when we watched each season of Sex in the City on dvd as well).

The writing is sharp, the characters are complex and compelling, the satire is fresh. Poking fun at suburban family values hypocrisy is nothing new, but Weeds works as straight drama as well as a brutal black comedy (not campy or broad at all). Mary Louise Parker as Nancy Botwin sips her iced lattes like a chain smoker. Her intense drive to become a weed kingpin feels believable. Her hubris and greed are transparent. Andy the slacker brother in-law and Celia the bitchy PTA / city council president get the most laughs. Shane, Nancy's youngest son is also fun to watch. Silas the oldest son is the show's weakest character. Not sure where they're going with him.

We ended up watching most of season two last weekend. There are two episodes left in the season. I'm already going through withdrawal. I like how the producers are spicing up the show with indie bands singing the little boxes theme song, but I still love the Melvina Reynolds version the best. The kids and I sing it all the time.

Autumn Top 10 List

1. Green Tea Mochi Ball Ice Cream
2. Weeds on Showtime
3. Melted gruyere cheese
4. Crazy shaped pumpkins
5. Flourescent orange leaves
6. Radiant heat floors
7. The Twits by Roald Dahl (dreadful, dreary, another very dark but humorous story, bird pie!)
8. Sufjan Stevens
9. Stories for Children by Isaac Bashev Singer (death, treachery, brutal but beautiful)
10. Cashmere sweaters

Captain Jack Sparrow vs. Sepultura

Just to give you an idea about what's going on in our house. Elliot no longer watches tv, he watches YouTube. Two of his current favorites (he has very eclectic taste):

Sepultura Resist cover from child prodigy heavy metal band from Argentina - the guitarist looks like he's 8.



Captain Jack Sparrow Disco Song, "pirates are cool because they find treasure and get to dress up."

Bright Spots on a Grey Day

Sunset Magazine's Menu for a Ghostly Gathering

Pumpkin Flower Templates

Autumn in Seattle

Each morning the car is wrapped in dew. A cold fog sticks around until 11, but the sky is blue and it's mildly warm by noon (or 1 or 2). I packed away Elliot's shorts to avoid having another argument with him about why we don't wear shorts in cold weather (it did the trick, but he still manages to throw a fit every few weeks about something absurd like why he really needs a pet monkey or why can't he have chocolate cupcakes for breakfast). Leaves are turning orange and yellow. Our Halloween decorations are out: day of the dead skeleton, plastic spiders and ceramic pumpkins, a string of purple bat lights. Some of our more ambitious neighbors have spider webs and ghosts in their trees, gravestones in their front lawns.

Rats + Scabies
A few weeks ago I developed a twitch in my eye and a rash on the palms of my hands. I thought I had scabies and obsessed over the CDC site and any dermatological photo sites cataloging the most grotesque cases of parasitic skin diseases and other skin conditions. It turns out I'm a stress case (not a surprise) and have atopic eczema. I'm always under stress. Not sure why it happened now. Nothing new except that while insulating under the house we discovered RATS. We installed a fan in the bathroom and discovered we had no vent. Our skylight is leaking. Asher is teething and acting like a maniac. But Elliot started kindergarten last month and it's been one of the smoothest transitions I've ever seen him make.

Baby Einstein vs Barbie

Po Bronson (What Should I Do with My Life?), who pokes holes in conventional wisdom and examines social trends with refreshing clarity in his down to earth blog Social Studies, had an article in Time Magazine this week on the media hype that surrounds the spate of books and articles written about family issues that only affect 10% of the wealthiest U.S. population. The side effect of this anxiety is that it causes widespread panic where it need not and contributes to (for example) lower rates of college enrollment for Latinos (media tells them college is too expensive and competitive). Claude Fisher, a Professor of Sociology at UC Berkeley said, "A social trend is whatever is happening to a newspaper editor and the editor's friends." Bronson's point is well taken, but isn't the media targeting this affluent audience? Isn't it all about advertising dollars and marketing to the most desirable demographic?

Still, Bronson could have chosen a better example than baby einstein (I understand the name says it all) I have a few Baby Einstein books and videos and they're extremely boring. Perhaps Baby Einstein isn't selling as many products because they don't understand kids. Elliot loves science and history and we have tons of books that really spark his intellectual curiosity (such as the Eyewitness series board books for babies to encyclopedias for older kids). Eyewitness gets kids.

As for Barbie, I haven't had to face that issue with my boys (although I did make the decision to let the boys play with small action figures who have weapons - a pirate without a sword??). I cut her legs off, tattooed her face and melted her hair, but I loved Barbie... Action figures (including barbies) are very important to imaginative play. It's developmentally appropriate and intellectually stimulating to play with dolls throughout childhood. Baby Einstein or Leap Frog or any other educational toy is not in direct opposition to action figures or dolls.

How media elitism misrepresents the American family - Po Bronson in Time MagazineWho would win in a fight, Baby Einstein or Barbie? Baby Einstein isn't a character. He's just a brand. So that imaginary fight wouldn't be a fistfight. It'd be a fight for mind share and market share. It'd be a fight for dollars. Every day, in Targets and Wal-Marts across the country, those two brands go at it. Which one do you give your kid? It depends on how old your child is, obviously, but as any good supermom will tell you, Baby Einstein is the choice of parents who want their daughter to speak Swahili by seventh grade and go to Harvard. They leave Barbies for people who, they imagine, just want their daughter to have a smile on her face and go to a great state college.

So who's winning? It's not close. Barbie crushes Baby Einstein. Last year the Baby Einstein brand sold $200 million worth of products. The Barbie brand's sales were 15 times as high. A giant $3 billion.

I bring that up because I sense the media are ignoring the true American family and instead are putting the dramas of affluent families on Page One. It would be O.K. if they delivered those portraits with a sardonic wink, so that we might laugh at the foibles of the well-off. But there is no wink. In the eyes of the media, we all buy Baby Einstein.

Bagley Buzzzz

Elliot and I (his father) were messing around with Garage Band. Elliot had difficulty starting the song on a count(1-1-1-2-3-4.) He wanted to get the song down in his mind before--he started singing. I'm not a musician--but it seems like his mind was going over the song--before he sang it. Anyway here it is...

http://www.gigasize.com/get.php/102817/BAGLEY_Bzzzzz.m4a

Godzilla the Good Dad

Elliot is into Godzilla these days. I was searching for less scary videos of Godzilla and found this public service announcement about how you don't need to be bigger than life to be a good dad. All it takes is spending time with your kid. It takes a man to be a good dad. Is the announcement saying that you don't have to be a big show off to have fun with your kids? Playing monster is a classic dad and kid game. Not sure it's effective. Cute though.

Kork-Ease

When I was in second grade my mom bought me a pair of Kork-Ease shoes that were to die for. I loved them so much I refused to take them off for bed the first night I brought them home; there was no way you could pry those things off my feet. I remember sleeping with my Kork-Ease on, inhaling their musky leathery goodness, my heart fluttering with Kork-Ease dreams.

They squeaked when I walked and gave me hundreds of blisters, but they looked beautiful on my feet. Eventually they turned dark brown and loose, the straps probably uprooted. I think I owned a few more pair after that.

Yesterday I was shoe shopping and I was surprised to see Nordstrom was selling them for $200 bucks. Apparently, they're back and spendy. Not so sure about the metallic and velvet options, but the black Kork-Ease looked cute. Too late for sandals this year. Maybe I'll pick up a pair next summer.

Collages of Elliot's Photos

Smash your head on the punk rock

Now that we're driving the old Toyota Camry that lacks a CD player, we've dragged out our ancient box of cassette tapes. We almost threw them out a few months ago. We're glad we have the tapes because our family tends to get cranky and whiny sans a soundtrack. Asher is a complete dictator when it comes to choosing music, "change the song", "again, play it again" or "I don't like it" (I want to encourage his personal taste so I indulge him for the most part). The tape technology sucks of course, I'm always rewinding the wrong way or something.

Olden days, my sentimental musical review
I played the boys a tribe called quest (some racey lyrics not sure how often we'll listen to it, but got a good reception from the guys), jon spencer blues explosion (asher liked it. elliot said, "I like fake punk rock better" what does that mean?), black flag (no fans. "turn it off" said asher), bob dylan (no fans), my bloody valentine (boring. I could barely listen. why did I like them?), minutemen (a winner. elliot liked the sound effects and variety), sebadoh (elliot said "this music is sad").

Creature from the black lagoon
A few weeks ago while searching for old monster movies on youtube for elliot we found this cheap skater punk creature from the black lagoon video. It is now Elliot's favorite song ever and he sings it into his hairbrush every morning.

Are you mighty?

Here is Asher's Mighty Song. Hilarious.

Asher Bremson You Are Mighty


http://www.jobsite.co.uk/youaremighty/index2.html

Teen Angst: Brick, Blue Car, Somersault, Fat Girl

While reviewing my current netflix queue (61 movies) and rental history (250 movies in 2 years including a 3 month hiatus) I noticed that nearly all of my recent netflix rentals have been portraits of troubled teenagers, mostly girls. I must be missing Veronica Mars. I can't wait for the V Mars season premiere on Tuesday. Here are some mini reviews of a few lost girl coming of age films.

Brick
High school film noir (based on the Maltesse Falcon) with great snappy dialogue. The two female leads are broken and manipulative; both girls hide their power. The lost girl's ex-boyfriend tries to save her but she doesn't want to be saved. The femme fatale just wants to be loved, but ends up causing a blood bath. The angst and awkwardness of teenagedom is polished and stylized but it somehow manages to freshly communicate raw longing and loss.

Blue Car
It's hard to compare the sophisticated artifice of Brick to Blue Car which is incredibly earnest and ham fisted. As a child of divorce, I thought I might relate to the lost girl who is bitter about the break up of her family, but the adults in the film are too cartoonish to make the film believable. The girl in this film has daddy and mommy issues. When she latches on to her lecherous English teacher after some over the top plot developments, I wasn't surprised. We're meant to think the main character is a good girl (she doesn't use sexuality to get what she wants) but lacking inner resources for success. Blue Car champions standing up for yourself and individuation, but is consumed with an after school special, see-this-is-what-happens-to-latch-key-kids-from-broken-homes moralism.

Somersault
An arty Australian film featuring a 16 year old lost girl who runs away from home after she kisses her mother's boyfriend. She's resilient, but relies on her sexuality to get what she wants which of course means trouble. Trolling for guys or anyone who might feed her. Reminded me a little of Agnes Varda's Vagabond. The message is clear that a girl alone in the world automatically means that she's slutty trash. The focus on sex is more prominent in this film than the others, but it also moves in unexpected directions. She has a great emotional vocabulary and clearly explains how she feels. Coming of age in Somersault means understanding why people do the things they do, forgiveness.

Fat Girl
Fat Girl is the most sensationalistic of this genre. French movie about a chubby 12 or 13 year old and her older beautiful teenage sister. The "fat girl" sees clearly how shallow her family is and how corrupt their values are. The older sister subjects the fat girl to witnessing her nightly trysts with her older scummy boyfriend. Similar in tone to Larry Clark's Kids; a cold clinical look at a train wreck. Ignorant parents, mean selfish people all around. Punishing sexuality in the way that Friday the 13th does with an abrupt murder in the final scene of the movie. I felt really bad for the young actresses who are put through some horrible situations. In the director's commentary, she proudly explains that it was hard for the girls, but it's good for them, they'll become better actors because of it. Fat Girl is cynical, none of the characters grow, there is no coming of age, only death.

Into the School Yard - First Day of School

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Silver Jews Peace

Danny and I went to see the silver jews last week, our first show in 3 years. The first ever silver jews tour. I've listened to american water for 5 or 6 years now and I'm still not tired of it. I love the humor, the loose, unexpected juxtapositions in the lyrics. I was almost afraid of ruining my pathetic infatuation with mr berman; live shows are often disappointing anyway. But DB didn't appear to be a junkie, or out of control. There was no spectacle, the band wasn't sloppy. I wonder how his wife stayed with him during his addict years. Anyway, it was good to see him together and solid.

DB was funny, likeable, and the music was good. I wasn't disappointed. I wanted him to play like like the the the death, but he didn't. Of course I can't handle staying up past 12, so we left right before the show ended.

I wore my magenta silver jews peace shirt the next day. A salesman in mattress store asked me, what does that mean? silver jews peace? does he think it means elderly jews for peace? I said it's just a band. David Berman said he always regretted naming the band silver jews, it was so awkward and serious, but in the last two years he grew into the name, becoming sober and embracing judaism, he began to see the name as a blessing (peace): http://www.jewishjournal.com/home/preview.php?id=16451

Choosing a Pet - Squirrel Boy

Elliot has been begging us to buy him a pet for years now. Most of the time, I tell him when you're 7 or 8. Danny really wants a dog or a cat. I can't think of anything worse than caring for an animal. I would be the one to walk, clean and feed it. I am completely certain of that. I loved my cat Laika, but it was a big relief after she died. I am so not a dog person. I've considered getting a snake or a frog - reptiles seem ok. Definitely not a hamster or a gerbil, no rodents. I am just not up for some horrible death, disease, grotesque scents, cannibalism and whatever else happens with caged pets. We tried fish, but we killed it after a week. I can barely feed myself, why would I want to feed one more mouth? I told elliot I would research reptiles and other pets. Maybe a skink? We're weighing the pros and cons of pet types.

My Little Squirrel
Elliot is the VIP in his class in a few weeks, so I was quizzing him on his favorite things. Favorite song - creature from the black lagoon. Favorite food - sushi but no wasabi. Favorite animal - racoon, because I like things that climb. Elliot if you could be any animal, what would you be? I would be a big handsome squirrel with a fantastic hairdo. He is a weird kid.

I've ruled out birds, rodents and snakes. Reading about large populations of abandoned pets such as the red eared slider turtle makes me terribly sad. Caring for another life is serious, I obviously don't want the the responsibility right now. Cheap reptiles that parents abandon when the kids outgrow them are threatening local wetlands populations.

skink

Bird
Psittacosis. Bite. Must clean cage daily.

Gerbil / Hamster
Easy to house and feed. Require little attention. Tend to bite. Tend to escape. Short lifespan.

Snake
Eat live food...

Style: Back to School Clothes

I've been telling Elliot everything I remember about my first day of kindergarten lately. He's a little nervous (I suppose I am too). I told him about how I went shopping for clothes and I picked out a brown plaid dress (always in style) with a pair of brown mary janes for my first day. I took Elliot shopping the other day at the Gap. He has his own sense of style - the monochromatic look is a favorite, especially all red (I guess I was into monchromatic as well). I tried to steer him to jeans, a button up oxford shirts or the polo shirts, or the striped t-shirts. No, he wanted a football shirt that said, "Falcons Varsity" and a shirt that said, "Punk Band Dummer" or something like that. He also wanted long basketball shorts of course. Shiny red satin. Sigh. Who is this kid? I bought him the varsity shirt and convinced him to buy a pair of brown cargo shorts instead. We bought two pairs of shoes. Brown slip on vans style and super athletic shoes. After he wore the vans outside, he said they're too big. He won't wear them. Argh!

We hung out with a 4 year old boy on saturday who loves to wear striped, long sleeved turtleneck hannah anderson dresses. He owns several dresses like this. Apparently his style is driven by comfort and softness of fabric. He loves tights as well. He wears the dresses to school with pants, intesting that he was initially afraid of wearing dresses, he thought kids would laugh at him. But he's staying true to himself. He's ok with being different, he can be a boy and wear dresses. He'll grow up with courage in his convictions.

Education | School

The Alien Secret

Yesterday, Victor informed me that Elliot shared with him the "alien secret." What is this secret? Why didn't he tell me? Did he hear me talking about how I must be an alien because I can't seem to communicate well with anyone lately? Apparently, it is Elliot's theory that we all have an alien inside us. Danny said he's been talking about this a lot lately. We are all part alien. Hmm. Makes sense.

Maybe I've been reading him too many fairy tales. Last week Elliot said to me, "I hope you become poor and sick" after I threatened to throw away his toys if he didn't clean them up. I said you don't want that, you'll have no toys and you'll have to eat food off the sidewalk if that happens. No wonder he's so anxious, bad mommy.