Laura on Project Runway - Baby #6

I loved Laura's comment last week about baby #6. "I don't think anybody's really ready for their sixth child, but five, six, seven, it doesn't make that big of a difference. I'll just throw it on the pile with the other ones."

Laura must have two nannies, she's a millionairess architect living in NYC. I guess the kids take care of each other. FourFour said her hardboiled philosophy was refreshing. Hard core mommy.

Swimming, diving for keys

Sunday we all went to the pool to witness Elliot's new swimming skills. I heard rumors that Elliot could do the crawl (or a version of it) and swim the length of the illustrious condo pool (well short side to short side), I was dying to see it. He was so proud of himself. My little seal, golden brown slipping easily in and out of the water. I haven't worn a bathing suit in a year. Dad is the swimming parent. Asher clings to Dan for his dear life, shoving me aside, "no daaaadddddyyyyy."

The twice weekly individual lessons paid off. He amazingly didn't drown, he poked his head out of the water and allowed his arms and legs to propel him from wall to wall. I threw a rock in the pool and had him dive for it. He held his breath and grabbed the prize. We threw keys to the shallow end and he easily picked them up. A different kid from the one who refused to put his head in the water only a few weeks ago.

I'm hoping his success; this new confidence and faith in risk taking translates well into kindergarten readiness.

My Personal DNA

I took the Personal DNA - Your True Self Revealed Test - Apparently I'm a "generous creator":

Generous Creator

lydia davis on learning to read

I found this old interview with one of my favorite writers Lydia Davis in the Bomb Magazine archives. I've been interested in literary insights into childhood lately. Walter Benjamin's object related ruminations. Hidden meanings in things, everything is pattern based. Lydia loved the words "look" and "see." Unlocking the pattern of language is something that is supposed to click all at once (with exposure and practice). One day it makes sense and you know how to read.

Francine Prose: Do you remember learning to read?

LYDIA DAVIS Yes, and my memories of the Dick and Jane books are very happy memories. I loved learning the words "look" and "see": "Run, Jane, run. See Jane run." It was so clear and easy and unconfusing and neat. Actually I spent my second grade year in Austria. I had one year of learning to read in English and then I learned to read in German. I still have the German textbooks in which the letters got smaller and smaller as the pages progressed through the book.

fp How sadistic!
LD That’s right, very sadistic.

fp Do you think about the rhythms of Dick and Jane?
LD I always liked clarity and simplicity and balance. All rhythms can be seductive. I was attuned to the music of language as well as the music of music. Learning another language when I was seven probably made me hyperconscious of language; also the German language in the classroom was a wall of incomprehensibility around me. Gradually the words began to have meaning. But first I heard the language as rhythm.

fp So do you write for rhythm now?
LD Yes, it’s always rhythm. I always hear it in my head.

p And languages?
LD I was very good at languages. I loved Latin. Latin actually made more sense than French, probably because of the math element again.

fp I loved Latin, although I hated math. That the two things were related never occurred to me. I loved Latin because of how logical it was, like solving a crossword puzzle. There was an answer, and you got it.

LD When you’re solving the problem of the Latin sentence, there are two things going on: the pleasure of solving the puzzle, but also the emotional satisfaction of finding out what this mysterious thing is. Then there’s another pleasure—the pleasure of putting it into English words. I like English best. People assume because I translate French I’m a Francophile, but the fact is I don’t like French as much as I like English.

fp What is it about English?
LD The plainness. I love the Anglo-Saxon words as opposed to the Latinate. Bread, milk, love, war, peace, cow, dog. The English word "and" seems much more solid, like an apple. Maybe it has to do with those early Dick and Jane books again. Words beginning with "a", "and" and "apple" are somehow healthy. The Spanish "y" is just preposterous. It’s weird and strange. (laughter)

What do you know about pirates?

What is a Pirate?: A Preschool Transcript

Teacher: what do you know about pirates?

Theaux: They have spotting scopes

Cedric: They kill people

Reilly: They have really sharp swords

Elliot: If you go to the movie theatre, they have a movie coming out called Pirates of the Carribean. It was good.

Reilly: They have really green teeth!

Theaux:Well you know what pirates do? They fight...about gold.

Cedric: Yeah, about how much gold they should have!

Elliot: They fight about who gets the treasure. They all have good reasons for it.

Reilly: Treasure planet is a movie about pirates. They look like somebody.

Theaux: They have hats. Black hats.

Cedric: I saw the Little Rascals. They ship had kids riding on it.

Reilly: They look like skeletons.

Elliot: The hats have skulls in the middle with bones crossed on them.

Theaux: They say ARGH! And you know what they say it just for fun? I have to whisper it to you. They say Argh Booty. Booty means gold.

Elliot: They dig for treasure a LOT! They dig for it under the ground.

Theaux: You know what pirates love more more more than anything? Shiny stuff.

Reilly: Gold is made of yellow.

Elliot: They have stripes of gold on their treasure chests. But it's pretty sad that pirates don't live anymore.

Theaux: They wear eye patches to scare people.

Reyhan: Well they're really bad because pirates are bad as they can be. Pirates have hats and swords like stuff and that means they have a pirate ship. They have patches on their eyes...because they are pirates.

Welcome to Kindergarten

We received our packet of kindergarten papers today. It's here! In two weeks Elliot starts school at Bagley Elementary. He will have Ms. Toner for his teacher. Ms Toner is in her 20s, and herself attended Montessori schools all her life. Her classroom was very tidy and bright in contrast to the other teacher who had a lights out, socks only, more lived in, groovy sort of room. I've heard really good things about Ms. Toner. We're invited to a meet and greet next Wednesday with Ms. Toner. Elliot will be in the same kindergarten as Maxine whom he has known since he was 4 months old.

Public School Documents
I had to sign many official documents. Internet use notification, the notification of rights under the family educational rights and privacy act, health registration form, disabilities declaration form, family registry form, the pesticide notification form, and the code of conduct.

The Code:

1. I will listen and cooperate with the adult who is speaking to me
2. I will follow directions the first time
3. I will be responsible and show respect for myself, others and property with my language and behavior
4. I will wait quietly in line and walk in the building
5. I will give all things my best effort

I love it. It does seem a little cold though. Maybe put "I will give all things my best effort" first. We've been working with Elliot on dinner table ettiquette, the rules fit right in with the Code:

1. I will have a calm body and quiet voice
2. I will sit with my bottom on my chair and my feet in front of me
3. I will stay seated until I'm excused from the table

We'll work on dinner table conversation later. My baby is growing up. We're going school supply shopping soon (so exciting!). Peachy folders! Pink Pearl erasers! Crayola! I know, I know. I won't think school supplies are so cute once I'm spending 3 hours every night helping him do homework (hopefully that won't be the case though).

Three glue sticks
Two boxes of Kleenex
Two rolls of permanent double back tape
One box of Crayola Classic Markers
One box of Crayola Colored Pencils
One box of Crayola Crayons (24 hours)
One box of Pink Pearl erasers (two in packages)
One Peachy folder to be used to carry daily communication

Visit to Girlville

We visited our nieces last week while we were in the bay area. Ila was adorable in her white vintage gown; a bow in her curly dark hair. Kira was a sweet little chicky with bright blue eyes. Aware of the world yet calm. They both already had personalities. Kira and Ila will be my daughters by proxy.

Infancy is tough. Babies are uncomfortable in their bodies, awkward and in pain most of the time. What's coming next? Who are these people? Where are we going? Moods that turn on a dime. Strong emotion makes everyone scared. Adults who are sleep deprived, full of anxiety and self-doubt take care of them. No wonder they're so unsettled.

I tried my hardest to conceive a girl; I followed the Chinese horoscope and that ridiculous book. I actually cried when I found out I was having another boy while I was getting my ultrasound. Seeing this living thing inside your body -- it's real, the miracle that a person is here -- is already very emotional. I felt a slight sense of dread when the ultrasound tech pronounced it's a boy. He'll never call me on the phone to chat about nothing. We'll never be as close as I am with my mom.

It took me a few days to get over it. What a monster I am I thought. How selfish, sheltered and unloving. What a luxury to even worry about that sort of thing. I knew I would love my son no matter what. I knew that when we decided to have another child, we had an even greater chance of having another boy. No matter how feminist and devoted to gender equality I knew I was intellectually, it took a while to sink in that the gender stereotypes aren't true. Not all boys are testosterone crazed truck fanatics. I know tons of women who have horrible relationships with their mothers. I know tons of men who have really good relationships with their mothers. Not all girls are quiet and sit still during dinner. I was really worried about my ability to cultivate a close adult relationship with my children.

I probably would have had a similar sense of dread even if I had a girl. It had nothing to do with gender. Aside from his potty humor, bad temper and intense love for motor vehicles, I can relate to Elliot. Asher is still working on English fluency, but he's got some interesting things to say. If I want them to keep talking, I'll have to learn how to listen.

super hero camp report

Elliot has been at super hero camp this week. I asked him for a report on what they've been doing. "Not that much. We dress up in costumes and battle bad guys. Then we go on a walk and have a snack."

BunnyMan
What super hero are you? "A power ranger. No that's not true. You can't get to be the same guy in a movie or tv. It has to be a different name." So what is your super hero name? "Bunny Man. He has laser eyes. He can blow up stuff from far away."

I miss my boys.

Pooping + Writing

On July 20th, Asher Lewis age 26 months, pooped in the potty on his own volition! I must be dreaming I thought. We haven't even talked about the potty yet. I haven't asked him once. Totally out of nowhere, he got out of the bathtub and sat on the cushy sponge bob toilet seat. He sat until he pooped. I know I have a long road ahead, but I feel blessed. Thank you potty training fairy.

Also on July 20th, an inspiring day for my children apparently, Elliot age 5 wrote the letters PHO WXS hoping that this combination of letters spelled something all on his own volition! There's hope!

Confessions of a Focus Group Whore

The market research groups call me monthly to see if anyone in my household qualifies for a focus group. We're in a desirable demographic apparently, age, education, income wise. I have an opinion about most everything, I end up going to a few each year.

I was paid $60 (usually it's $75) Monday night at a focus group for mothers of preschool aged children. I'm usually a contrarian pain in the ass, so I don't feel too bad about participating in these focus groups. This group consisted of 6 moms, most had two kids under the age of 5. All of the kids were in preschool. The leader asked us about our communication with the teachers. What we thought of the teachers. What we thought of the school. What sort of material we received from the school on a regular basis.

They asked our opinion about the partnership of Scholastic and Chlorox to market products to kids and parents. They handed out a heavy card stock, glossy insert full of bulleted tips for keeping kids healthy (cough into elbow, sing happy birthday twice while washing hands) during flu season. They wanted to know if we found it distasteful, would we think the teachers were sponsoring/advocating the product. Was it more of a magazine or an advertisement?

I said it was confusing and the partnership didn't make sense. Everyone else said without scholastic they would ignore it or think it was an advertisement. Scholastic gave it instant credibility and trust. I said, what about using a health related sponsor or parenting magazine instead?

Most women thought by having the booklets at school and tucked into the child's backpack at the end of the day, meant the school approved of the product. They also had no problem with sending promotional items home with their child.

The school would read a germ busting book and provide germ busting games (mazes, coloring books, awards) published by Scholastic (tie in). I said the materials seemed cheesy. Maybe they would be used once and I doubt it would make an impression on kids.

I also ojbected to materials going home in the backpack. I would also strongly object to any food product or toy products going home. They would be marketing directly to my kid.

The group weighed in on other ways to market this bleach product. The moms said they regularly visit product site video games (I hate those with a passion!!) Related article here.

The end result was that I was the only person in a group of 6 who said why bother with scholastic. It's advertising, give us a product sample, give us a few tips, but the scholastic tie in is worthless. I'm pretty sure what they're really doing is finding ways to market directly to kids and make them life long brand loyal suckers.

Sshh. It's very dangerous: Bees + Sasquatch

I played spaceship and sasquatch with the boychickles tonight -- my daily dose of child directed play. We hid in an igloo and waited for sasquash to come. We made hot chocolate and roasted marshamallows. (spaceship dies fairly quickly. take off and then we might hit the sun. we're going to crash.) The Sasquatch game appears to be more sustainable, probably because it morphs into chase most of the time. Today our play was fairly sendentary. I didn't even have to be sasquatch (what a relief, I'm tired today).

We all hid in our ice cave, the seasons changed fast, it melted and became spring and summer, then we were vulnerable again. But then it was winter and we were safe.

I said, Maybe sasquatch is dumb. Can we trick him into thinking we're not here? Elliot would have none of that. No. He's very smart, he'll know we're here. Maybe he's hungry, can we offer him some food? Maybe he'll like some cake. He only likes blood. He only likes antelopes and kids. EEEEEKKKKKK. He's coming. He's getting us!!!! The anxiety in our play, always near death has to happen over and over again -- lava monster, falling over the cliff, the sun melting out eyes, the golem, orangutan operation -- but often there is no solution, no superhero, does he feel helpless? How common is that? Be still, take it, this will pass. Elliot said, Shh, it's very dangerous.

Meanwhile Bees!
Danny and my brother consolidated all the cable wires under the house this afternoon, braving a bee hive that colonized right in the center section of our foundation. Michael was stung, but he's not allergic. Danny crawled out immediately. Oh shit. Mike get out of there. As we washed out the wound and removed the stinger Michael reminded me of the last time I was stung. A derranged yellow jacket planted itself on our water slide and just as I plopped into the water it got my leg. I had to go to the hospital because I was approaching anaphylactic shock, my whole leg and foot were grostesquely swollen. I must have been 15 or 16.

prunes + pretzels

I'm sitting on a bed with three boys: 7, 5 + 2. How did I get myself involved with this alien group of humans? Any gutteral noises are completely hilarious. The louder the better. Aaaaweeek! raummppppche! screeegt!! Toilet humor is as appealing to the 7 year old as it is to the 2 year old. It never dies. mom can you pause the tv while I go to the bathroom? gales of laughter.

I gave the boys prunes and peanut butter pretzels for snack. I should have known this choice would leave me completely open to ridicule. That's poo poo butt and poop to you. Keep the potty talk in the toilet. What am I missing????

Elliot has an idea for his dad's birthday present. I'm going to give dad a gorilla suit for his birthday. He's 100% man. Family | Kids | Children

Raising Better Men in a Consumer Culture

I've been following the responses to a slate article about why it's better for the collective feminist good to be a working mother. It's a funny theoretical discussion, because for most women, it's not a choice. The discussion seemed to focus on upper class and lower working class families. It didn't focus on the middle class families and it definitely left out examples of many families I know where both parents have taken pay cuts or put career growth to the side in order to focus on spending more time with their kids.

Out of the Mainstream
Maybe it's just that I know more ex-punk rock, DIY, slackers who don't have high powered careers, but I know at least 10 families who have both parents working part time or as independent contractors. Stitching together a life where the corporate world doesn't hold such a huge influence over their lives. I know so many women who didn't like their jobs before they became mothers, they worked to make money and the break motherhood offered was a relief. They did the job they were trained to do in college -- teaching, law, sales, psychology, marketing whatever -- and knew that they'd have to find themselves again after the break of infancy. I have 3 friends who left Internet jobs and went back to school to find a new career (nursing, ultrasound, interior design) when their kids were in preschool because they wanted a non-corporate life.

Working outside of mainstream culture seems to allow for a more flexible, less stressful, and of course less wealthy lifestyle. It's not all peachy, health insurance is a big problem. It's also not completely stress free either of course. By being aware of the gender dynamics in the household -- training boys to become self sufficient and responsible for housework and questioning conventional wisdom, authority and stereotypes -- and by placing less importance on corporate consumer culture (which is hard to do) we can achieve the same goals of creating a more equal, family centric culture. The other day Elliot said, "I'm 100% man, I'm made of money" and this really struck home how insidious masculine stereotypes are. He doesn't even watch commerical tv. Where did he get this????

From The Case Against Staying Home with the Kids
If the women of the world unite, and get to work, they may flourish more fully in private and the public spheres. Until there are more equity in the cultural norms for child-rearing and household tasks, each time a woman decides to "opt out" she is making a political decision that reinforces an already ingrained social inequality. Meghan O' Rourke wrote this piece in Slate last week: The Case Against Staying Home with the Kids.

Hirshman attacked the sacred cow of the motherhood debate: the notion that it's a good thing liberated women are allowed to choose whether to work or stay at home—an intellectual paradigm Hirshman dubbed "choice feminism."

Hirshman thinks that the "choices" women actually have are often illusory, shaped by inequalities in the work force, and circumscribed by a cultural discourse that hammers home the message that women are failing their children if they don't stay home. Finally, many women choose to take time off without knowing very much about what impact it will actually have on their futures: A recent study found that a full 93 percent of "highly qualified" women who have opted out want to find a way back in and can't. And, according to several studies, women in the United States suffer a 10 to 15 percent dock in future earnings when they have children—a drop that doesn't affect men.

If you buy her argument, then even if you find it hard to leave your baby at home, and even if you find the workplace sometimes less-than-fulfilling, it's important—to society as a whole—that you work. This sounds extreme, but of course it's the lesson every man is taught when he's a boy: Your responsibility to society—the way to become an adult—is to work.

Until those who care about equality recognize that it will take collective action to create further change, the kinds of policy amendments most women want to see won't take place, and women will continue doing 70 percent of the housework—while men continue to do less housework after marriage than they did as bachelors.

The truth is, most men and women invested in equality do see that cultural norms aren't equal, but it's hard to set aside the rhetoric of choice. In our late consumerist culture, choice is almost always thought of as good. It also seems distasteful—and, yes, paternalistic—to assume that women who aren't forced to make their decisions are unhappy with them. But if women really do stay in the work force, even part-time, a few decades from now it may be easier for parents to opt out according to their personal preferences, rather than their gender. If one parent didn't want to assume the bulk of the child-care duties, as may well be the case, two could split it. The demand for elastic or part-time work by men and women alike would lead to more flexible jobs.

Our Summer List

V + R's Pool
It's not our pool, but we'll be there anyway.

Beaches + Lakes

• Carkeek
• Golden Gardens
• Magnuson / Lake Washington
• Alkai

Wading Pools

• Ravenna
• Wallingford
• Greenlake
• View Ridge
• Lincoln Park
  

Art Walks + Markets

• Ballard Farmer's Sunday Market
• Ballard 2nd Saturday Art Walk
• Fremont Sunday Flea Market

Concerts

• Dudley Manlove at U Village
• The Decemberists at woodland park zoo
  

Other Family Favorites

• my coffee shop
• vios cafe
  
• woodland park zoo
• pacific science center
• children's museum
• seattle aquarium
• remlinger farms
• u-pick blueberries
• bumbershoot
• third place books
• ferry rides to bainbridge island or vashon island
• vancouver
• portland

Summer Time Seattle List for Parents

Deborah Woolley, the parent educator for Asher's class, sent out this excellent list of summer activity advice:

Book Resources.
Out and About in Seattle with Kids, written by Ann Bergman. Ann Bergman was the founder of Seattle’s Child (now metamorphosed into ParentMap), a newsmagazine for parents; she’s raised 4 kids of her own; this is a terrific, reliable guide. A Parent’s Guide to Seattle, written by Tom Hobson, a former co-op parent and now a co-op teacher in the NSCC system.

The Mudpies Activity Book:Recipes for Invention, However, toddlers don’t need elaborate projects – glue plus just about anything plus some type of paper equals art!

Plan.
Once a week (I used to do this on Sunday evenings), browse through your resources and find a couple of ideas that appeal to you (that’s crucial!) for that week and that might interest your child (one never knows, but it’s worth a try!). Then call a friend or two with compatible kids, or a childless friend or relative who’s willing to accompany you, and try to find a day that week that will work for you both. Outings are SO MUCH EASIER – and safer! – with another adult along.

When “out and about,” go with the flow.
On your expeditions, whether urban or into nature, don’t be fixated on what you thought was the goal/destination/point of interest. It may be that the most interesting at the zoo is climbing up and down one of those rocks by the savannah. It may be that the most interesting thing on your trip to the waterfront is riding in the trolley itself. Walking through the woods, your child may want to stop and pick up sticks and not care about getting anywhere. GREAT! If it’s absorbing for your child, you’ve accomplished what you wanted. Their brains are being stimulated, they’re learning about the world, you’re finding a valuable way to spend time. So pick places YOU like so you’re not troubled if your child wants to take forever to move along; take it at your child’s pace; follow their lead; watch them and learn about them as they interact with the world of nature or the city.

Limit TV/Videos/Computer time and use it STRATEGICALLY.
Instead of letting it happen just any time, think about what time of day it would be most useful given your child’s daily rhythms and the pace of your own day. You can record TV shows, of course, and YOU get to pick the time of day when it’s allowed. My suggestion would be to establish a regular time – after nap, before dinner, etc. – that works for you both.

WATER.
Seek out water. Not just wading pools and hoses and sinks and the beach, but also streams. There are several parks in Seattle with streams (Ravenna, Carkeek, Golden Gardens) that provide lots of opportunities for poking around.

Organize your week around different kinds of stimulation/activities/interests.
You might want to come up with a general structure for your weeks, building in whatever elements appeal to you and suit your child’s or children’s developmental needs. When I was the parent of young children, I structured my summer weeks more or less as follows: one adventure to the beach or one of the more extensive parks in Seattle (for the trails in the woods, not for the play equipment) so my kids could explore natural environments); one urban adventure (riding the trolley, going to the fountain at the Seattle Center, going down to Fisherman’s terminal, etc.); one day where we just stayed home all day and sat in our wading pool or built a fort in the yard or “worked” on some kid project together; and the other two days depended on the age of the child – maybe a playdate or maybe a babysitter so I could run errands. These provided the general structure for the week (mornings, or in some cases whole day). Then I’d weave in time at playgrounds within walking distance, or at wading pools, etc. This might be too much structure for some parents, but when I was an at-home parent I liked having a structure to the week. Do this for yourself it appeals, not for your child – your child will be just fine whether you do it this way or are more spontaneous.

Find a mother’s helper.
Whether or not you hire babysitters (and it can be easier to find one in the summer, since school is out), find a child in your neighborhood (i.e. within walking distance) to come over and play with your child while you’re home doing something else – maybe every day you’re home, for an hour in the late afternoon, maybe for an hour and a half a few times a week – whatever time of day you feel most harried or out of patience parenting. You could use this as a way to get a break (sit down and read for an hour!!) or to return phone calls (well nigh impossible to do with a child this age), A mother’s helper could be as young as seven or eight, depending on the child – try out someone who’s interested in preschool-aged children (and younger) , watch how they play with your child. And kids are trainable – i.,e., you can give them guidance as to how to talk with your child, how to follow their lead in play, how to reinforce positive behavior, etc.

Gather your equipment so you’re ready and you don’t have to gather it every time. Get some durable bag and put in it towels, plastic shovels and rakes and buckets, non-perishable snacks for your child AND YOURSELF, bottles of water, a change of clothes for your child, a hat for both of you, a giant tube of sunscreen, and anything else you can think of that is basic. Expeditions are easier if you don’t have to organize them each time.

Get a picnic basket and have a picnic once a week.
It’s surprising how pleasant it can be to eat dinner outside – and if you pick a location where your children can play (a safe beach, a wading pool, a playground with some grass nearby for sitting) after they spend their five minutes eating dinner, you can have a relaxed dinner. Pair up with some friends and you might even be able to sit and enjoy some adult conversation over dinner while one of the adults supervises the kids (taking turns at supervising, of course). It was very liberating for me when I realized that a picnic doesn’t have to be anything you actually have to prepare in advance – I could gather a loaf of bread, some cheese, fruit, maybe a brownie or a cookie, maybe a bottle of wine, and juice for the kids, put it all in the basket and VOILA! My kids were perfectly happy with this, though I also discovered they LOVED ravioli or tortellini with parmesan cheese and would eat that anytime as a picnic dinner. (This became the basis of a pasta salad for the adults, my standard picnic item: cook up the tortellini or ravioli, toss it with olive oil, take out some for the kids, then add any of the following: zucchini, red bell pepper, toasted walnuts, parboiled carrot slices or broccoli flowerets, red onion, lots of fresh-grated Romano.)

Set up a kids’ “art” shelf in the kitchen
Stock the shelf with glue, different types of paper, stickers, stuff to glue like cotton balls, scraps of interesting fabric, stamps if they’re ready for that, etc. – and encourage your child to “do art” while you’re something else. This might be a good time to acquire a child-sized table for projects (also snacks) – a good investment. I kept art supplies is shoeboxes with the tops off, so my kids could see what was inside. Encourage them to use these materials in whatever way they want. A lot of stuff you’d normally throw away can be used for “art.”

Get time with your spouse/partner.
Consider a babysitting trade with another family whom your child knows from co-op or other setting, so this can be a playdate for your child as well as time out for you.

Get time to yourself every day.
For your own survival as a parent of young children, you need time a way from parenting every day – whether it’s for work or play, exercise or just sitting and staring at the sky. If you have a partner, let your partner take over; if not, set up a regular trade with some parent whom you trust. This is a necessity for you, for your child, for your family – not just mental health, but physical health – so take it seriously!

By Deborah Woolley, MSW

Tags: Seattle, summer vacation

Digital Reproductions of Small Children

My side of the family tends to be especially sentimental about childhood memories. My mom did the usual keepsake thing -- artwork, report cards, toys, shoes, clothes, silver spoon, silver cup, teeth, hair, skin -- but we're really photo obsessed. My brother and I seem to reminisce about the golden days of lives by pouring over our scrapbooks / baby books (remember when the tree house fell down? remember when you had poison oak rash on your birthday? remember when it snowed in Tarzana? and we get out the books) nearly every time I visit LA. I suppose that's pretty normal - we're an image obsessed culture. Danny's family doesn't have the same interest in photographic evidence; they also write captions and dates on top of prints.

The other day as I was telling Elliot a good night story, he wanted to see what I looked like as a kid. I'm such a sucker. I got out the books and we looked at photos for nearly an hour. He asked about mary ann and he thought she looked nice. I've told Elliot many stories about my dad whom he never met, and when he saw his picture he said, "Your dad looks like an architect. He looks like he thinks about space and science and stuff."

Digital Cameras + Photo Books
Since my manual camera broke I haven't taken many pictures of the kids. I'm robbing Asher of his future childhood nostalgia. It doesn't look like I'll come close to achieving the vast library of family photographs that my mother created. My digital photos, just don't come close to being as good as the photos I take on film. Apparently we need a $1000 digital camera to get decent pictures. But Elliot has been using our digital camera lately and he's taking some surprisingly good pictures. From his short perspective he's taken some striking documentary / character studies of his family members in various disgruntled or contemplative states. I'd love to upload them, but they stay on my camera with the rest of asher's childhood. We need a digital film service apparently.

I've been researching digital coffee table photo books lately and I found this review on slate of photo book services:

Top 3 photo book creation sites according to slate:
1. Shutterfly (national geographic quality)

2. Photoworks (very high quality book, but labor intensive)

3. Kodak Easyshare (I have a coworker who raved about it, challenging UI)

Coffee Table Quality Photo Books Review on Slate
Rated on the following criteria:

Print quality (10 possible points): Are the images crisp? Grainy? I uploaded a variety of photographs, from close-ups to wide-angle outdoor shots. I also used different cameras: I took most with my 5-megapixel Sony, but I snapped some with a low-quality, old, 2-megapixel Kodak.

Cover quality (10 possible points): Is it pretty to look at it? Is it made from high-quality material? I designed the books to look like baby albums, choosing white covers over black and linen over leather when available.

Web site/software (10 possible points): All the Web sites promised that the books were easy to make. They lied. The simplest site required two hours of pointing and clicking. Some books took as long as four hours to create. So, I rated the services on ease of use. Can you upload multiple photos? Or does each picture have to be transferred individually? I also rated the sites on their production software. Some allow users to place photos anywhere on the page while others require captions or have restrictive templates. I also penalized sites that were not Mac-compatible.

Service (10 possible points): Did the book arrive on time? Could I call someone if I had problems? Could I return it?

Technorati tags: photo, photos, photography, family

Sybil Gave Me Nightmares for Years

I just read that Sybil, the 1976 TV movie starring Sally Field which gave me post traumatic stress as a child, is now available on DVD. Apparently, I was 5 years old when I saw it on TV. I remember sneaking into the den because I couldn't sleep and crouching next to the door watching the movie. The slacker baby sitter (who was this terrible baby sitter? My dad?) let me watch more than a few scenes. The scene that terrified me most was Sybil's scary grey haired mother locking her in a trunk.

The baby sitter's decision to let me watch that movie ended up giving me nightmares for years. In my dream I would run from the crazy lady who was trying to put me in a trunk. How could I get away? Slow motion molasses legs etc.

I can't imagine ever letting Elliot watch something like that. Disney movies are off limits. Everyone knows about the powerful influence of moving images on the mind, especially when we're passive. Fantasia scared millions of young kids in the 70s. At least I was safe in a theater with my mom. Sybil and child abuse in my living room was far worse.

I read Sybil in high school because I had to come to terms with my fears. I found it fascinating. I saw the movie on video. It wasn't as terrifying I had remembered.

Amazon Plane Crash. Flesh Eating Worm Movie.
Another movie I saw when I was around 5 or 6 that profoundly affected me was about a woman who survives a plane crash in the amazon (I don't know what it's called). It was dubbed in brazilian accented english which added to the strangeness.

A woman is alone, stumbling bloody and hungry in the jungle. She narrowly escapes a piranha attack while she's bathing in a river. My most vivid memory is of this woman squeezing worms out of her wound encrusted arms. I'm starting to think transformer cartoons aren't so bad.

It Could Happen to You - Rejected from Landscapers' Challenge

I was hoping for a sweet backyard remodel (that's nothing compared to a structural remodel) paid for by HGTV or their affiliates, but we'll have to hold on to our dreams a little longer. We have some friends who recently completed a huge backyard project with one of the landscape architects who is doing one of the Seattle area landscapers' challenge makeovers. I'll try to keep my chin up.

Thank you for writing to us at Landscapers' Challenge. As you already know, we are traveling to your location this year, but we have already chosen our homeowners in the area. We will keep a copy of your application on file for future consideration, please feel free to do so.

Again, thanks for writing. We wish you the best of luck on your landscaping project.

Sincerely,
Landscapers' Challenge Staff

Form location: http://www.pietown.tv/shows/lcclientreqs.html
Submitted: Thu Jun 15 22:54:52 PDT 2006 from www.pietownprods.com

AreaSize: 600

LongLived: We've lived in our house since 2000. It was built in 1906.

ElseLives: We have two little boys, Elliot age 5 and Asher age 2. No pets although we might buy a frog soon.

CharacterizeStyle: Our 1906 farmhouse was stripped of any character in the 1950s, but we've slowly injected our own personality into the house. Our style is eclectic and probably in need of reigning in -- a little retro, contemporary asian and a little mid century modern. We like a clean look, but we're not afraid of kitsch.

ProblemsProject: Low functionality for the children. An ugly rectangle of weed infested grass. The yard is broken up and doesn't flow with the rest of the house.

MostLeast: High points: privacy and a chinese maple tree. Low points: weeds, weeds, weeds. No place to sit and eat dinner. The house doesn't integrate with the outdoors as well as it could.

DreamTheme: We'd love to have a place to barbeque and hold dinner parties or just eat dinner outside. A relaxing place to sit and read in the garden. A place for the kids to play. I would like to look out the window from any room in the back of the house and see landscape that's inspiring and tranquil. We'd also like to have drought tolerant, low maintenance plants.

FunFacts: Most people have a preconceived notion of Seattle that includes - the space needle, indie music scene, coffee, rain, microsoft. Seattle has great summers, it's not as rainy or grey as the stereotypes would lead you to believe. Seattle lives it up during the summer with tons of art walks, farmers markets, streets fairs and outdoor music festivals. We live in the north part of Seattle in a neighborhood called Greenlake which is a centered around a lake called..... Greenlake. Our neighborhood wallingford / greenlake has many young families and couples who are omnipresent in the parks, sidewalks, cafes and restaurants. It's a lively, artsy, family centric, fun place to live.

Hobbies: Reading, biking, yoga, martial arts. Right now our main activities involve entertaining and wrangling little kids.

Uniqueness: We're a warm and friendly young family who have recently emerged from remodel hell (a corrupt contractor and a project that took three times longer and twice the budget we expected). Our remodel project (an addition of 1000 square feet) which put out of our house for the last 8 months is near complete. We're thrilled to be back in our house and start living again. We're in dire need of backyard landscaping and would love to spend our summer in a new beautiful backyard.

agreecheck: on

Brothers Grimm + Misogyny. Murderous Bedtime Stories.

Wicked Stepmothers
I've been reading Elliot stories from the Juniper Tree and Other Tales from Grimm. It was illustrated by Maurice Sendak and translated by Lore Segal. It's never his first choice, but because he gets really into them and because I'm interested in them, we read them every night (I selectively edit out anything too horrible).

After reading the title story, a very gruesome tale in which a wicked stepmother becomes jealous of her stepson, chops off his head and then tricks her young daughter to believe that it was her fault because she boxed his ears (I synopsized that paragraph as he died under her watch), I started to worry about the message it sends to him about women. The daughter in the story is sweet and innocent, the father is loving and kind. They are both rewarded by the spirit of the dead son who transformed himself into a beautiful bird. The boy/ bird drops a millers stone on the stepmother in a revenge killing.

Out of Control Women - Greed, Vanity
A story about a very stupid woman. An obstinate little girl disobeys her parents and heads straight to a witches den and dies. The other jealous stepmother in snow white. A good man makes a deal with the devil, his soul is safe and he marries a woman who loves him for who he is, but the devil gets the soul of two sisters who killed themselves for his love. A princess who breaks her promise to the frog who rescues her ball. A stepmother who burns her stepson's new wife to death.

Darkside of the Magic Years
I don't know, is this bad for him to hear? There are positive (non-murderous) female characters whose traits are loyalty, honesty, kindness, innocence, resourcefulness, cleanliness..... The male characters aren't especially virtuous either. Many of them are slight and passive. Why am I reading him these stories? The dark side is a part of childhood. He doesn't need to hear anything gory. But I don't want to shield him from dark things. He loves it. He always asks for scary stories. He loves ghosts, monsters, witches, knights, dragons, halloween. I have a feeling he's going to be a dungeons and dragons nerd or a goth. It's part of childhood to strengthen your psyche by working out fears through symbolic play / dreams / stories. "muscle man" "spiderman" "dragonslayer"

3 is the Magic Number
There are so many fears. Who will take care of me? What happens if I'm left alone? What will happen in the future? Fear of losing your parents. Fear of interruption of the holy trinity - mother, father, child. 3 is the magic number. Fairy tales may be especially important to the first born child. Few stories feature a large family. Singletons are common. One other sibling, usually the opposite sex is standard. Goldilocks and the 3 bears is a perfect example of interruption of the holy trinity. The interloper is the new sibling. 3 little pigs and the big bad wolf. The irritating new sibling? a new parental figure?

Cotton Deodorant - Trader Joe's Brand

I bought "Trader Joe's Unscented Deodorant with Cotton - paraben and aluminum free - skin conditioning for sensitive skin" a few weeks ago because TJs didn't have Tom's. "Trader Joe's Unscented Deodorant contains cotton fibers to help fight wetness by absorbing moisture..."
Cotton is listed in the ingredients as "gossypium herbaceum."

The first day I wore it, I didn't perspire. I liked thinking about the cotton absorbing my sweat naturally, this product is amazing! The magic of cotton. However, after wearing it for a week, I developed a sensitivity to it. My underarms ached and were itchy. I'm very sensitive to anti-perspirant. Too good to be true.