Play Builds Serious Skills

NPR had an excellent report this morning on the business of play. We've known that "quiet play time" for Elliot is an absolute essential part of his day, otherwise his head seems to explode and he turns into a wild thing. I love spying on Elliot and seeing him choreograph his "guys" knights or action figures in these elaborate situations (while he's whispering in a high pitched voice). This activity seems to put him in a Zen like zone. Asher gets into the zone by mutely running puzzle pieces on the floor and pretending they're cars (he's our special fellow). Maybe the quiet play time will help them improve their self regulation in the end.

From the report:
It turns out that all that time spent playing make-believe actually helped children develop a critical cognitive skill called executive function. Executive function has a number of different elements, but a central one is the ability to self-regulate. Kids with good self-regulation are able to control their emotions and behavior, resist impulses, and exert self-control and discipline.

We know that children's capacity for self-regulation has diminished. A recent study replicated a study of self-regulation first done in the late 1940s, in which psychological researchers asked kids ages 3, 5 and 7 to do a number of exercises. One of those exercises included standing perfectly still without moving. The 3-year-olds couldn't stand still at all, the 5-year-olds could do it for about three minutes, and the 7-year-olds could stand pretty much as long as the researchers asked. In 2001, researchers repeated this experiment. But, psychologist Elena Bodrova at the National Institute for Early Education Research says, the results were very different.

"Today's 5-year-olds were acting at the level of 3-year-olds 60 years ago, and today's 7-year-olds were barely approaching the level of a 5-year-old 60 years ago," Bodrova explains. "So the results were very sad."

Sad because self-regulation is incredibly important. Poor executive function is associated with high dropout rates, drug use and crime. In fact, good executive function is a better predictor of success in school than a child's IQ. Children who are able to manage their feelings and pay attention are better able to learn. As executive function researcher Laura Berk explains, "Self-regulation predicts effective development in virtually every domain."

Affirmations for the Ages - Developmental Psychology

When I first heard these affirmations (from HELP! for Parents), they really resonated with me. Keeping them top of mind and repeating them to the boys as appropriate, has a way of magically diffusing a situation and getting to the emotional heart of a struggle. The birth to 6 months affirmations are appropriate for any age.

Being: Birth to 6 months

• I'm glad you're alive
• You belong here
• What you need is most important to me
• I'm glad you are you
• You can grow at your own pace
• You can feel all of your feelings
• I love you and I care for you willingly

Doing: 6 Months to 18 Months

• You can explore and experiment and I will support and protect you
• You can use all of your senses when you explore
• You can do things as many times as you need to
• You can know what you know
• You can be interested in everything
• I like to watch you initiate and grow and learn
• I love you when you are active and when you are quiet

Thinking: 18 Months to 3 Years

• I'm glad you are starting to think for yourself
• It's ok for you to be angry and I won't let you hurt yourself or others
• You can say no and push and test limits as much as you need to
• You can learn to think for yourself and I will think for myself
• You can think and feel at the same time
• You can know what you need and ask for help
• You can become separate from me and I will continue to love you

Identity and Power: 3 to 6 Years

• You can explore who you are and find out who other people are
• You can be powerful and ask for help at the same time
• You can try out different roles and ways of being powerful
• You can find out the results of your behavior
• All of your feelings are ok with me
• You can learn what is pretend and what is real
• I love who you are

Structure: 6 to 12 Years

• You can think before you say yes or no and learn from your mistakes
• You can trust your intuition to help you decide what to do
• You can find a way of doing things that works for you
• You can learn the rules that help you live with others
• You can learn when and how to disagree
• You can think for yourself and get help instead of staying in distress
• I love you even when we differ. I love growing with you.

My Perfect School

Elliot often says he wants to be a teacher when he grows up (along with professional air hockey player) but he grumbles about going to school, "it's too much work!" So I asked him to tell me what types of things they'd do in a school he'd like to attend.

"The teachers would listen to the kids about what they want to do. First we would go to a professional basketball game and then come back for a Mexican fiesta with lots of snacks like chips and salsa. We could learn about Spanish and Mexican culture. Then our parents would come to the school and we'd have ice cream. Next we would play video game wars, where everyone in the school competes for a prize."

Meeting Mischa

The boys were so gentle and sweet with Mischa, pretty in pink. She slept the whole time, but we got plenty of cuddle time in with her before we left. Elliot was primed for the LA heat pledging to wear shorts and t-shirts everyday, luckily we got our respite from the Seattle freeze.

Tooth Fairy

We were watching the Meerkat Manor documentary and Elliot screamed, "It's out! It's out! It came out!" We had no idea what he was talking about. We thought he was reacting to one of the meerkats who had just crawled out of the burrow, but then we saw him holding his bloody little tooth. Finally it came out. After 3 months of wiggling this loose tooth, during which time a completely grown tooth grew in behind it months ago, Elliot has lost his first tooth.

Interview with Elliot:
Do you believe in the tooth fairy?
Yes. She goes to people who lose their teeth. I'm kind of sad that I lost it, I'm going to miss wiggling it.

Description of the Tooth Fairy:

• Blond hair
• White skin
• Pearl necklace
• Silver dress
• Reading glasses
• Silver tiara
• Red shoes
• Size of a potato
  

Leonard and Lucille

My grandparents with their neighbors circa 1947. I love the feeling of community, the focus on family. Goofy kids. Tired parents. Classic Americana.

Winter Wonderland

The boys know the world stops for Christmas, so we did our best to make things special. Yesterday we went ice skating at Seattle Center. Elliot raced around the rink. I pulled Asher around until my back ached, then we nabbed an ice rink walker called a "sled" for Asher. He pushed the contraption around, his skates churning manically like a cartoon character, of course he occasionally crashed into skaters going in the opposite direction (oops!). After lunch, we bought a bag of taffy. We were going to see the "indoor snowstorm" at Pacific Place later that night, but we were completely worn out from the ice skating excursion.

This morning, Asher and I spent an hour in bed listening to country and western Christmas songs (Asher was singing "Rudog the reindeer reindeer") on the radio. His usually frenetic body was so restful, he was so engrossed in the songs, that I took the opportunity to read a few New Yorker articles, and Dan cooked omelets for breakfast. Nice X-mas present! Joe came over later to give Elliot his old Game Boy (all wrapped up in a holiday greetings tin) because he had received a Nintendo DS. (Joe's parents were not apprised of the gift and Elliot later had to give it back.)

Snow came around noon, we drove up north for a while to see if it was sticking (sadly it was not). We had a late lunch at Chiang's Gourmet Chinese Restaurant to partake in the Jewish holiday tradition. Actually, the restaurant was fairly packed with Chinese people. Elliot's Fortune: Adversity will make you stronger. Dan's Fortune: Strive for simplicity in your dress. While we ate, we watched the snow accumulate, layering the cars outside with at least an inch of snow. Whoopee! By the time we got home the snow had stopped and kids were slinging snowballs at each other.

To top the day off, we completed an ill fated Candy Cane house project (I think we'll have to buy a kit next year). We didn't have the right materials, but it held together well enough for a while -- until we layered on more icing glue and gum drops than the roof could handle. The gummy snakes in the green frosting grass were crushed by the mushy graham cracker walls of the sad little house. The kids crammed mouthfuls of gummy frosting snakes in their mouths before I plopped the whole thing in the trash.

All in all, it wasn't too crazy of a day. A little snow, a lot of candy, a game boy for a few hours, lots of family good times.

Christmastime for the Jews

Elliot has been counting down the days to Christmas, I get an update daily, "only 4 days until Christmas, Mom." I asked him, "how do you know this? Is this a school thing?" But he will not divulge his source (it's not tv, not the radio). Asher has been asking, "Is it Christmas yet?" These boys have expectations about this holiday.

Karate is not just for adults

Friday night Elliot became a yellow belt Karate person. Please feel free to ask him about it. Grandma Judy bought us a video camera and we have been enjoying trying to figure it out. Here. Check out this video. Elliot is in the back row on the left hand side. He is one of the taller individuals in the cadre. Ask him about it sometime.

Hanukkah!

The Brief, Fantastical Life of Elliot B. Thus Far (a pseudo autobiography)

I live in Seattle on North 60th street in Tangletown. I was born in 1983. I was a tailor and I sewed clothes. I won a prize for making the best clothes. Instead of money people gave us cloth for clothes, a couple of soldiers came around and took my mom's crown. We had the best dog, like Clifford but cooler. We look on the wall for photos of our dogs. In 1983 our dog died. Now we have a new dog, we don't have to feed him much, he's like a robo pet.

My favorite thing is when my friends are nice to me and when my parents give me things I like. My favorite thing is when everyone respects me. I like hot chocolate, animal crackers, cous cous and melted cheese, carrots and celery. I like exploring outside. I like exploring my brother's tomb, it has diamonds and rubies in it.

When I was a baby, my big brother kept pushing me and my mom called the police. Then he started being my favorite brother. We played games together. He gave me snacks from his lunch. When I was 13 he started doing things that were really bad. In 1983 he went to jail. We saw him breaking windows and stealing money. He was so strong as a grown up he broke the bars in jail. In 1986 he died. Now and then I wish I could go back in time to make my brother nicer. Now that I'm a grown up I don't have to think about these things because I have a nice family and caring friends.

When I was two years old, I started learning how to read and write. Now and then I think about our dog Flag.

When I was three years old, I started making friends. Although I was a little too silly. One time I came into school and my pants fell down. The lunch lady had to sew my pants back together again. My friends still liked me. We try to play together, but sometimes we're doing other works. We play games like breaking pebbles, when it's color time we color the stones into dream creatures. It has any kind of power you want it to have. Only one dream creature has all the power together. If you win the battle you get to have the dream creature.

When I was four years old the girls weren't nice, they called me names at lunch time. Now all the kids at school are friends with me. Now and then we play. We don't always agree about the same things. I really like playing with nice children. One time at lunchtime. A friend gave me his favorite cookie and I gave him my cookie. He's my only friend who likes the same things as me. Sometimes we do things that are bad like take your mothers keys and go to the park without permission. The teacher gave me a job to be a helper in the class. After the teacher died in 1987, I started teaching for her. I gave snacks to all the kids. But that opportunity is done now.

As for my personality, I am a very cool kid, I am very smart and I learn a lot. I mostly look at non-fiction library books about animals, monkey, airplanes, vikings, romans, and knights. My friend Elliot P. is the best drawer in the class. We have a club called the smart club and we learn about things. Everyday at recess, we dig a pit and put all of our library books in it. We seek information. We listen to different tunes in the sky. We learned about how fast the speed of sound goes. Sometimes people call us big brain, we've got smarter brains than other kids. I know how it feels when that happens to you. What I'm trying to say is, if you want to see me go to elliotbremson.com and you can learn about me. Just make sure you too like history. We try to encourage kids to learn.

"Snow, Snow, Glorious Snow"

The first snow of the season is always thrilling (actually in Seattle, any snow is thrilling). Joe said, "Snow, snow, glorious snow." We've had two hours of steady snow blanketing our street, so the guys are outside scraping snow off the cars and engaging in snowball warfare. Jake is wearing sandals, to each his own.

Yellow Belt - KA-RA-TE

Elliot is testing for his Yellow Belt promotion on Monday. He's been doing karate in the Little Dragon program since September and it's been challenging for him to learn that sort of discipline. But he's into it now and I think he really wants this yellow belt. The karate school sent a form home and to his teacher at school asking us to rate his general behavior, listening ability and self control. He has his moments but karate has been good for his general disposition. Good luck Elliot!

E + A's Holiday Wish List

I asked the boys for their wish list and Elliot had a non-stop stream of material wishes. Asher, bless his heart, has his priorities focused on only the essentials -- good food and transportation.

Asher:
Apple Sauce
Apples
Bananas
Popsicles
Cars

Elliot:
Star Wars video game
Legos
Remote control car
Yu Gi Oh cards
Action figures

Holiday Time in Brooklyn - Heifer International

Now that we're thinking about the holidays, I thought we'd post this Dan Zanes video promoting Heifer International's goal of ending world hunger and poverty by helping people obtain a sustainable source of food and income. For $120 the gift of a goat can help a family start a small dairy that earns extra money for health care, food and education (and a new Wii).

The Trees Are Whispering

And the people whisper
And the trees whisper
Now we wish to do something else

The cars are whispering
It's because the trees are shining
The light is shining from the moon
The stars are whispering

I was not scared in the dark

Monday is after I watched the dark
11:12 has come already

The trees aren't whispering
The wood is not whispering
The houses are not whispering


By Asher Lewis Bremson

Happy Halloween!

My jaunty little turtle. This year Asher was steadfast in his desire to be a "turtle" for Halloween. He likes the Franklin books, so I assume this was his inspiration....Last year he could have cared less about what he wore trick-or-treating, so I really wanted to help him realize his vision. I looked at turtle costumes online, but they were all ninja or character related. I started to think, ok, I'm the least crafty mom on the planet, but maybe I'll buy a green sweatsuit, stuff it with newspaper and somehow make it look like a convincing turtle. Thank you grandma Judy for scouring the stores and hacking apart pieces from a ninja turtle costume so that Asher could look like a sweet turtle and not a sword wielding martial arts master reptile.

Elliot decided in November 2006 that he wanted to be a "Goblin" for Halloween and he resolutely stuck to his vision. He asked me as early as July if we could buy a cape for his goblin costume. No! Finally September rolled around and we were ready to purchase a cheap polyester cloak at Goodwill. He also wanted me to buy him a grotesque mask, but I told him it would be better to paint his face since masks smell, you can't see in them and it's hard to breathe in them as well. He somehow convinced Dan to buy him a mask a few weeks later. (Dan thought, he'll take it off after 2 minutes anyway). Well, he wore the mask to two houses on our trick or treating journey however after he tripped on a sloped lawn, he tossed it aside. The only problem was that he really didn't have a costume after that. He complained, "why does everyone say they like Asher's costume and not mine?" He's still brainstorming about next year's get up. I'm sure it won't include a mask.


Look at me, now I'm a real PTA mom. The mask did come in handy after all. I scared dozens of kids in my quest to sell holiday wreaths at the Harvest Howl. One mom asked me to show her daughter my real face.

Best Food Ever List by Elliot and Asher

Cheese Pizza
Satsuma Oranges ** very popular right now
Hot Dogs
Red Mill Hamburgers
Kiwi Fruit
Chocolate Milk
Turkey Ham
Cheetos
Turkey Baloney
Chicken
Apple Chicken Sausages
String Cheese
Golden Round Crackers
Ramen Noodle Soup
Tandori Chicken
Pho
Bean and Cheese Burritos
Cappellini with Parmesean
Baby Carrots
Broccoli
Salami
Apple Sauce
Apples
Macaroni and Cheese (Amy's)
Peanut Butter and Jelly
Yogurt

Pumpkin Land

This year we decided we weren't up for an hour long ride out to the country, so we drove up to the Fairbanks Animal and Pumpkin Farm in Edmonds. Fairbanks is small, not as majestic as Craven, Remlinger or Biringer Farms. There are no hayrides or vast corn mazes and they don't push hot apple cider, kettle corn or candy apples. Fine with me. The pumpkin selection was slim, but kids really liked the animal exhibits. We saw a mama rat nursing her 20 babies, watched hatching goslings, and fed the chickens, and goats.

7 Up

The 7 Up documentary project which started tracking a group of 7 year old kids in 1964 is based on the Jesuit maxim: "Give me the child until he is seven and I will give you the man." I just saw the 49 Up episode and I was amazed by how little difference there was between these people at age 7 and age 49. Resilience, low self esteem, confidence, ambition all seemed to be hard wired in these people. Only Neil had an extreme shift, at 7 he was bubbly and bright, but at 49 he was dour and lost. Everyone else seemed to have the same disposition regardless of their social class.

Seven year olds are sensitive about differences between themselves and others. They're competitive and hard on themselves. Social justice concerns and seeing issues from multiple perspectives are hallmarks of their development.
Child Development Tracker

Interview with Elliot about his life as an adult:

Will you have kids?
I'm going to have a big house with 7 kids.

Do you think you'll live in Seattle?
No, I'm going to live in California where it's warm. I'm going to live near Grandma Judy.

What will you do for job?
I'm going to be a race car designer. Fast electrical cars.

What will you do for fun?
I'm going to play football and play with my friends.