Boys Not Better Than Girls at Math

Thought this was interesting. In countries with gender equality (Sweden, Norway and Iceland are examples) girls do just as well as boys on standardized math tests. In Turkey, not such a gender-equal society, the average difference is 23 points. Researchers examined the test scores of 276,000 children in 40 countries, found that this pattern held around the world. "Average girls' scores improved as equality improved and the number of girls reaching the highest levels of performance also increased." So more equality leads to ... more equality.

"The research also found a striking gender gap in reading skills. In every country girls perform better than boys in reading but in countries that treat both sexes equally, girls do even better." The global average difference is 32.7 points. In Iceland, another country noteworthy for its gender equality, girls' average scores were 61 points higher than boys.

Hamster Dance

We have a new addition to the family - a small white and grey hamster named Fuzzy. Last night Danny assembled the purple and yellow hamster habitat while we had many discussions with the boys about pet care and the importance of washing hands. Pet rodents are not my cup of tea, but as far as rodents go, it's fairly cute and not at all mouse/rat-like. At the pet store the sales clerks were encouraging Dan to buy a rat, apparently they're very smart, like human interaction and will respond when you call their name. Sorry no way am I housing a pet rat. Hopefully Fuzzy will help Elliot understand the importance of caring for another soul, and help him learn to be more responsible.

Keep Them Occupied
In their native habitat, hamsters have to travel great distances to find food, a fact that explains domestic hamsters' need for lots of exercise. Exercise wheels can provide hamsters with a good bit of activity, but they should not be the only source of physical activity. Complement the hamster's home gym and entertainment center with chewables such as a dog biscuit or pesticide-free twigs from beech trees, maples, willows, hazelnut bushes, or fruit trees; these will also help keep the animal's incisors worn down. Cardboard boxes, toilet-paper rolls, and paper-towel rolls are also safe for hamsters to burrow in, chew on, and play with. Wooden ladders and branches fastened securely to the inside of the tank can help hamsters show off their climbing agility.

Practice Good Housekeeping
Hamsters can be cranky if disturbed during their daytime sleeping hours, so try cleaning, feeding, and handling in the late afternoon or evening. Be sure to clean out the hamster's bathroom space every day. Hamsters like to amass treasure chests of tidbits, so check for stockpiles of perishable food. Also clean the water bottle and sipper tube daily to prevent buildup of food, algae, and bacteria; check to be sure it is working properly as well.

Change all the bedding twice a week, disinfecting the tank and letting it dry before laying down fresh bedding and replacing the hamster's chewing, nesting, and climbing toys. If you must remove a hamster to clean her tank, you can hold a small box near her and she will probably run right in. When handling a hamster, always hold her over a surface such as a tabletop in case she manages to wriggle out of your hands.

Delicious Treats
Besides the basic hamster mix, you can also supplement your pet's daily diet with a moderated amount of treats. Below are some delicious and healthy treats for your hamster.

• Dog biscuits
• Chopped hard boiled eggs
• Apple
• Carrot
• Corn
• Water Chestnut
• Broccoli and cauliflower
• Plain oats

• Health food (usually oil free and salt free) products such as museli, nuts and seeds.

• Cheese and other milk products for strong bones
• Cereal
• Bread (you can spread a thin layer of peanut butter)
• Diluted honey fed with a plastic spoon
  
  

Foods to avoid

• Chocolates
• Henbane
• Oak leaves
• Buttercups
• Laurel leaves
• Hemlock
• Garlic
• Onions
• Junk food

• Sticky/sharp food as these may cause trouble in your hamster's cheek pouch.

• Sweet and oily food as they causes obesity.

• Vegetables and other high moisture content food should be fed in moderation to prevent diarrhoea.

• Although hamsters are omnivorous, it is better and healthier to stick with a vegetarian diet. Some books had also suggested that consuming meat encourage the cannibalism of young by adult hamsters.

Rock Climbing Elliot

Liam held his 7th birthday at the stone gardens rock climbing gym. Elliot took to rock climbing like a fish to water. Fearless, he scrambled up to the top then pushed off the wall like a crab on the way down. Rock climbing summer camp?

Mother's Day

This morning I luxuriated in bed then woke up when the boys delivered a beautiful bouquet of flowers and pastries from Pike Place Market. Then we spent the afternoon at Carkeek Park scouting out the spot for Asher's birthday. Of course the kids had a blast. The Bubbleman surprised us just as we were about to leave, needless to say we had to stay and enjoy the show. The kids went wild for the bubble craziness. Happy mother's day!

The Hamster Song

Elliot has been pestering me to add this to the blog -- his new favorite disco song!! Hamster Dance.

Spring in Seattle

The Red Balloon

Over the past few months we've taken to watching films from the 50s and early 60s together as a family. Both kids seemed to like The Sound of Music, Dr. Seuss's The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T, and Bye Bye Birdie. The Red Balloon perhaps because it's only a half hour or perhaps because there's no dialogue, really held Asher's attention. I loved seeing this young child walking confidently alone in a big city and the striking contrast of the red balloon against the grey buildings. The bludgeoning of the poor balloon was a shock, but the transcendent ending made sense. Believe in yourself, the power of imagination....

I want to show the boys Zazie Dans Le Metro but it's not out on DVD.

Tips For Teaching Emotional Intelligence

From Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, John Gottman and coauthor Joan DeClaire encourage parents to use "emotion coaching" to teach children how to analyze their feelings and handle conflict, particularly when they're angry, sad, or frustrated. Here are the steps they recommend.

1. Try to be aware of your child's emotions.
Kids don't always tell you what's going on in their lives. If your child seems sad or upset for no obvious reason, it's wise to look at the big picture and think about what might be troubling him. Did you and your spouse have a bitter argument within earshot of the child? Young children often give clues to what they're thinking during fantasy play. Gottman recounts that his daughter said to him while playing with her doll, "Barbie is really scared when you get mad." He says that in the important conversation that followed, "I assured Barbie (and my daughter) that I didn't mean to scare her and that just because I get angry, that doesn't mean I don't love her." A child's fearful reaction may also be a clue that you sound too loud, scary, and unpredictable, giving you the opportunity to apologize for not handling your anger better and assuring her that you'll try to talk more softly and control your anger better in the future.

2. Look at negative emotions as opportunities for intimacy and teaching.
You can use all your child's feelings, negative as well as positive, in teaching him how to deal constructively with his emotions. Some parents, hoping to help their children avoid suffering, will make dismissive comments ("That guinea pig was getting old anyway"). What the child may learn, though, is that his feelings aren't seen as important. Rather than minimizing your child's feelings, try to listen and sympathize, even if it makes you anxious or uncomfortable ("It's hard when a pet dies, isn't it?").

3. Listen with empathy.
Listen carefully to your child, then mirror back to him what he has said, naming the emotions for him. Gottman gives the example of a boy who's dejected because his next-door neighbors have refused to play with him. If his father responds by telling him to be a big kid and just forget about it, his son will most likely think that he is a big baby and deserves not to have any friends. It would be better, Gottman says, for the father to open the discussion by saying simply, "I bet that hurt your feelings." His son will feel relieved that his father understands what he is feeling and doesn't think the emotions are out of place. It also gives him an opportunity to talk about the situation and think about what he might do to change things.

Listening to your child doesn't mean solving the problem for him, dismissing it, or joking him out of a bad mood. Use examples from your own life to show him you understand what he's said ("I used to feel bad when my neighbor wanted to play with the big kids instead of me.") This tells the child that he is not alone in feeling the sting of rejection, and that those feelings can be dealt with.

4. Help your child find words to express his emotions.
Children often have trouble describing what they feel. You can help your child develop an emotional vocabulary by giving him labels for his feelings. If he's mad, you might say, "You feel angry about that, don't you?" or at other times, "That must have been a disappointment," or "Did that make you feel shy?" You can also let him know that it's natural to have conflicting emotions about something -- for instance, he may be both excited and scared during his first week at school.

5. Set limits while you teach problem-solving.
Part of helping your child to solve problems is establishing clear limits on his behavior, then guiding him toward a solution. For example, you can say, "I know you're angry at your little sister, but you can't hit her. What could you do instead?" Give him a set of options to choose from. Anger management specialist Lynne Namka advises telling your child to first check his tummy, jaw, and fists to see if they're tight, breathe deeply "to blow the mad out," and to feel good about getting his control. Then, Namka says, help your child use a strong voice to talk his anger out, beginning with something like, "I feel mad when you _____________." Children should know that it's okay to be angry, as long as they don't hurt other people for that reason. Your child might also want to talk to you about why he's angry, draw pictures about what makes him angry, or act out the story of his "mads" with toys. Use plenty of praise to promote behaviors you'd like to see more often.

6. Try to respect your child's choices, unless they would endanger safety or health. Honor small requests that you may not agree with; this will help your child make decisions on his own.

7. Read books together. Many parents stop reading to their children once they learn to read on their own. But the stories your child is reading give you more to talk about, and you can draw on them to bring home emotional teaching.

8. Encourage your child to play sports or get involved in after-school activities. Both of these help them relate to others.

9. Avoid engaging in behavior you don't want your child to imitate. It's important not be verbally harsh when you're angry. Try saying, "It upsets me when you do X," rather than "You drive me crazy." The problem is his behavior, not who he is. Be careful to avoid mean or sarcastic remarks and excessive criticism, which chip away at a child's self-confidence.At this stage, children often show their independence by being disrespectful and sassy. Don't take the remarks personally, but do set limits and enforce them, and always tell your kids when they hurt your feelings.

10. Avoid siding with "the enemy." When teachers or other authority figures are insensitive, children often seek sympathy from their parents. Be sure to find out what happened before you make judgments.

Mexico!

The Great Purim Easter Egg Hunt

We've been preparing the kids for our Mexican cruise (tons of kids! swimming! fun on the beach! endless activities!) but I was surprised when Elliot's interest spiked about the prospect of eating nightly in a formal dining room, "Mom please, please will you buy me a tuxedo?" I bought Elliot a black suit and when we got home he requested that we stick a white handkerchief in his pocket as well as a carnation. My dapper son.

On Thursday night Dan and Elliot went to temple to hear the reading of the Megillah to celebrate Purim. Elliot wore his new suit and crazy hat (which he later took off even though everyone else was in costume). He had fun running around with the kids from his Hebrew school class. Elliot what is Purim about? "I don't know, I was busy playing with the kids."

On Saturday, we drove by Cowen Park which was blanketed with pastel plastic eggs and flanked by two huge inflatables. When we got home, the boys next door told us they were going to the egg hunt, so we decided to pop over there as well. Of course there were hundreds of children at the egg hunt. The boys shoveled eggs into their Halloween bags without knowing why they were picking up eggs. Asher was shocked when he discovered chocolate in his egg, "Look what I found Mom!" Elliot had collected a pound of candy. When we got home we tossed out half the candy, but let the boys have a sugar orgy anyway.

Family Films

In 1976, my mom took me to see Freaky Friday at the Picwood Theatre (I must have been 5), the mother/daughter storyline thrilled me and I was completely blown away by the big screen / big theater experience. Elliot has seen a few movies in the theater over the past few years, but Asher who could care less about TV (The Wild Thornberrys Movie is his sole exception) had never seen a big screen movie. We took the boys to see Alvin and the Chipmunks in December and the outing was a huge success. Asher sat through the whole movie. Both kids loved the chipmunk music and laughed continuously; my expectations were low, but I actually enjoyed it a little.

We were excited to see the Dr. Seuss movie Horton Hears a Who, which just released this weekend, so we swept the gang over to the theater this rainy afternoon expecting a repeat of the Chipmunks coup. However, Asher was not amused. The animation held little draw for him and he shouted, "When is this movie going to be over?" about ten minutes into the movie. So Danny ended up buying two bags popcorn throughout the movie to entertain Asher and escorted him out of the theater when he forgot his quiet voice. Good times! But Asher was right, the film was awful. The story was hard to follow, it was talky, unfunny and full of smirky pop culture references. It was boring. Even Elliot thought it was dull. Too bad, the story has a good heart, much more integrity than the chipmunks movie.

Elliot Pics

Mother's Little Helper

Spring!

It rained today, but we've had lovely sunny weather for the past week. Elliot decided it was about time to break out his grass green crocs and shorts even though it's rather chilly. Love this photo of Elliot the music man in his frilly spring frock. Seems like a good way to welcome spring in.

Play Builds Serious Skills

NPR had an excellent report this morning on the business of play. We've known that "quiet play time" for Elliot is an absolute essential part of his day, otherwise his head seems to explode and he turns into a wild thing. I love spying on Elliot and seeing him choreograph his "guys" knights or action figures in these elaborate situations (while he's whispering in a high pitched voice). This activity seems to put him in a Zen like zone. Asher gets into the zone by mutely running puzzle pieces on the floor and pretending they're cars (he's our special fellow). Maybe the quiet play time will help them improve their self regulation in the end.

From the report:
It turns out that all that time spent playing make-believe actually helped children develop a critical cognitive skill called executive function. Executive function has a number of different elements, but a central one is the ability to self-regulate. Kids with good self-regulation are able to control their emotions and behavior, resist impulses, and exert self-control and discipline.

We know that children's capacity for self-regulation has diminished. A recent study replicated a study of self-regulation first done in the late 1940s, in which psychological researchers asked kids ages 3, 5 and 7 to do a number of exercises. One of those exercises included standing perfectly still without moving. The 3-year-olds couldn't stand still at all, the 5-year-olds could do it for about three minutes, and the 7-year-olds could stand pretty much as long as the researchers asked. In 2001, researchers repeated this experiment. But, psychologist Elena Bodrova at the National Institute for Early Education Research says, the results were very different.

"Today's 5-year-olds were acting at the level of 3-year-olds 60 years ago, and today's 7-year-olds were barely approaching the level of a 5-year-old 60 years ago," Bodrova explains. "So the results were very sad."

Sad because self-regulation is incredibly important. Poor executive function is associated with high dropout rates, drug use and crime. In fact, good executive function is a better predictor of success in school than a child's IQ. Children who are able to manage their feelings and pay attention are better able to learn. As executive function researcher Laura Berk explains, "Self-regulation predicts effective development in virtually every domain."

Affirmations for the Ages - Developmental Psychology

When I first heard these affirmations (from HELP! for Parents), they really resonated with me. Keeping them top of mind and repeating them to the boys as appropriate, has a way of magically diffusing a situation and getting to the emotional heart of a struggle. The birth to 6 months affirmations are appropriate for any age.

Being: Birth to 6 months

• I'm glad you're alive
• You belong here
• What you need is most important to me
• I'm glad you are you
• You can grow at your own pace
• You can feel all of your feelings
• I love you and I care for you willingly

Doing: 6 Months to 18 Months

• You can explore and experiment and I will support and protect you
• You can use all of your senses when you explore
• You can do things as many times as you need to
• You can know what you know
• You can be interested in everything
• I like to watch you initiate and grow and learn
• I love you when you are active and when you are quiet

Thinking: 18 Months to 3 Years

• I'm glad you are starting to think for yourself
• It's ok for you to be angry and I won't let you hurt yourself or others
• You can say no and push and test limits as much as you need to
• You can learn to think for yourself and I will think for myself
• You can think and feel at the same time
• You can know what you need and ask for help
• You can become separate from me and I will continue to love you

Identity and Power: 3 to 6 Years

• You can explore who you are and find out who other people are
• You can be powerful and ask for help at the same time
• You can try out different roles and ways of being powerful
• You can find out the results of your behavior
• All of your feelings are ok with me
• You can learn what is pretend and what is real
• I love who you are

Structure: 6 to 12 Years

• You can think before you say yes or no and learn from your mistakes
• You can trust your intuition to help you decide what to do
• You can find a way of doing things that works for you
• You can learn the rules that help you live with others
• You can learn when and how to disagree
• You can think for yourself and get help instead of staying in distress
• I love you even when we differ. I love growing with you.

My Perfect School

Elliot often says he wants to be a teacher when he grows up (along with professional air hockey player) but he grumbles about going to school, "it's too much work!" So I asked him to tell me what types of things they'd do in a school he'd like to attend.

"The teachers would listen to the kids about what they want to do. First we would go to a professional basketball game and then come back for a Mexican fiesta with lots of snacks like chips and salsa. We could learn about Spanish and Mexican culture. Then our parents would come to the school and we'd have ice cream. Next we would play video game wars, where everyone in the school competes for a prize."

Meeting Mischa

The boys were so gentle and sweet with Mischa, pretty in pink. She slept the whole time, but we got plenty of cuddle time in with her before we left. Elliot was primed for the LA heat pledging to wear shorts and t-shirts everyday, luckily we got our respite from the Seattle freeze.

Tooth Fairy

We were watching the Meerkat Manor documentary and Elliot screamed, "It's out! It's out! It came out!" We had no idea what he was talking about. We thought he was reacting to one of the meerkats who had just crawled out of the burrow, but then we saw him holding his bloody little tooth. Finally it came out. After 3 months of wiggling this loose tooth, during which time a completely grown tooth grew in behind it months ago, Elliot has lost his first tooth.

Interview with Elliot:
Do you believe in the tooth fairy?
Yes. She goes to people who lose their teeth. I'm kind of sad that I lost it, I'm going to miss wiggling it.

Description of the Tooth Fairy:

• Blond hair
• White skin
• Pearl necklace
• Silver dress
• Reading glasses
• Silver tiara
• Red shoes
• Size of a potato
  

Leonard and Lucille

My grandparents with their neighbors circa 1947. I love the feeling of community, the focus on family. Goofy kids. Tired parents. Classic Americana.