Mom + Vincent

National Day of Listening

NPR's National Day of Listening is November 28, 2008. I asked Elliot to write down three questions he'd like to ask his family.

Elliot's Questions for his mom

1. How do you find dollar coins?
I have collection of silver dollars that I received as gifts from my grandma over the years. Silver dollars are special so most people keep them and don't spend them. But you can get the coins from a bank.

2. How do you keep stuff so long?
Why? or How? You can't save everything. I moved a lot as a young adult, but saved a few boxes of things from my childhood - my coin and postcard collections, my Japanese curio collection, handkerchief collection that includes many of my great grandmother's handkerchiefs. I saved them because they're special to me, they represent memories of people I loved.

3. I don't know if you know anything about your Dad in the war, what do you know?
I know that he was wounded in the war and he was lucky to have survived. He was an officer in the Army and led a platoon of soldiers. One day he stepped on a landmine and it exploded and hurt him badly. He recovered in Hawaii and lived with the pieces of metal called shrapnel in his body for the rest of his life. He didn't talk about the war a lot, but I know he was proud of serving in the Army and it made a major impact on his life. You can ask Grandma Judy if you want to know more.

Elliot's Questions for Grandpa Victor

1. What did your mom and dad look like? What were they like?
My father was short with a light complexion. He lost his hair young. My mom was very pretty. She had dark hair. She was very smart, she read a lot and was fun to talk to. My mother and I would talk for hours. She liked to play tricks on people and had a good sense of humor. When she was growing up the librarian told her she had read every book in the whole library.

2. What was your favorite day in your life?
My favorite day was the day Elliot was born. Also the day your dad Danny read to me for the first time.

3. Do you remember the first time you lost your tooth?
I don't remember losing it but I remember putting my tooth under my pillow and waking up the next morning and finding a quarter in its place.

Elliot's Questions for Grandma Judy

1. What is your earliest memory?
One thing I remember is waiting in the car with my dad to visit my mom who had just had Uncle Leonard in the hospital. I remember looking at the crib where my brother usually slept and another baby was in the crib. It was my neighbor's baby.

2. What is your favorite memory of me?
I was very excited when I held you when you were born. You were so healthy and darling. You were a very clever little baby. You liked music a lot. We would sing to you and you would stop crying because you liked music so much.

3. How would you like to be remembered?
As someone who loves her family, was kind to her friends. Someone who loves beautiful clouds and trees and nature. Someone who loves laughing. Someone who really loves her daughter and son and grandchildren.

Birch Bay Vacation

I asked Elliot if he'd rather go on a trip to Washington D.C. to see the White House or the southwest to see the Grand Canyon and the Anasazi ruins, he said he'd rather go to a small town. Some place like Birch Bay, where you can play games with your family and go to water park and hang out at the beach....

Chicago 2008

Family Dinner Magic: Yet More Reasons to Eat Together

Ok, now I'm convinced. No more kid only meals while I wash dishes and Dan cooks our dinner while talking on the phone. We're all eating together. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

From the Slate article, The Mac and Cheese Effect: Why the family dinner is good for parents. The family dinner is ambrosia and nectar and manna, too, researchers have long told us. It helps prevent teenagers from abusing drugs and alcohol or smoking, and it protects them from stress, asthma, and eating disorders. It boosts kids' reading scores and grades. By the time all the virtues of dinner togetherness have been extolled, you can only feel that if you love your kids, you have to get home in time to sauté the stir fry. You might even cut back to working part time to force-feed them falafel, as law professor Cameron Stracher relates in a book he published last year.

Happily, according to a new study, family dinner appears to be good for parents, too. The research by lead author Jenet Jacob of Brigham Young University found that among 1,580 parents who worked at IBM, those who said their jobs interfered less with being home for dinner tended to feel greater personal success, and success in relationships with their spouses and their children. The working parents—both mothers and fathers—had all of these buoyant feelings if they made it home for dinner more regularly, even if they still worked long hours. They also felt more kindly toward their workplace. Parents who missed dinner at home because of work, on the other hand, felt gloomy about their professional futures. "It is noteworthy that although longer work hours predicted significantly greater perception of success in work life, work interference with dinnertime predicted lower perception of success in work life," Jacob and her co-author write.

Mother's Day

This morning I luxuriated in bed then woke up when the boys delivered a beautiful bouquet of flowers and pastries from Pike Place Market. Then we spent the afternoon at Carkeek Park scouting out the spot for Asher's birthday. Of course the kids had a blast. The Bubbleman surprised us just as we were about to leave, needless to say we had to stay and enjoy the show. The kids went wild for the bubble craziness. Happy mother's day!

Mexico!

Meeting Mischa

The boys were so gentle and sweet with Mischa, pretty in pink. She slept the whole time, but we got plenty of cuddle time in with her before we left. Elliot was primed for the LA heat pledging to wear shorts and t-shirts everyday, luckily we got our respite from the Seattle freeze.

Leonard and Lucille

My grandparents with their neighbors circa 1947. I love the feeling of community, the focus on family. Goofy kids. Tired parents. Classic Americana.

Winter Wonderland

The boys know the world stops for Christmas, so we did our best to make things special. Yesterday we went ice skating at Seattle Center. Elliot raced around the rink. I pulled Asher around until my back ached, then we nabbed an ice rink walker called a "sled" for Asher. He pushed the contraption around, his skates churning manically like a cartoon character, of course he occasionally crashed into skaters going in the opposite direction (oops!). After lunch, we bought a bag of taffy. We were going to see the "indoor snowstorm" at Pacific Place later that night, but we were completely worn out from the ice skating excursion.

This morning, Asher and I spent an hour in bed listening to country and western Christmas songs (Asher was singing "Rudog the reindeer reindeer") on the radio. His usually frenetic body was so restful, he was so engrossed in the songs, that I took the opportunity to read a few New Yorker articles, and Dan cooked omelets for breakfast. Nice X-mas present! Joe came over later to give Elliot his old Game Boy (all wrapped up in a holiday greetings tin) because he had received a Nintendo DS. (Joe's parents were not apprised of the gift and Elliot later had to give it back.)

Snow came around noon, we drove up north for a while to see if it was sticking (sadly it was not). We had a late lunch at Chiang's Gourmet Chinese Restaurant to partake in the Jewish holiday tradition. Actually, the restaurant was fairly packed with Chinese people. Elliot's Fortune: Adversity will make you stronger. Dan's Fortune: Strive for simplicity in your dress. While we ate, we watched the snow accumulate, layering the cars outside with at least an inch of snow. Whoopee! By the time we got home the snow had stopped and kids were slinging snowballs at each other.

To top the day off, we completed an ill fated Candy Cane house project (I think we'll have to buy a kit next year). We didn't have the right materials, but it held together well enough for a while -- until we layered on more icing glue and gum drops than the roof could handle. The gummy snakes in the green frosting grass were crushed by the mushy graham cracker walls of the sad little house. The kids crammed mouthfuls of gummy frosting snakes in their mouths before I plopped the whole thing in the trash.

All in all, it wasn't too crazy of a day. A little snow, a lot of candy, a game boy for a few hours, lots of family good times.

Happy Halloween!

My jaunty little turtle. This year Asher was steadfast in his desire to be a "turtle" for Halloween. He likes the Franklin books, so I assume this was his inspiration....Last year he could have cared less about what he wore trick-or-treating, so I really wanted to help him realize his vision. I looked at turtle costumes online, but they were all ninja or character related. I started to think, ok, I'm the least crafty mom on the planet, but maybe I'll buy a green sweatsuit, stuff it with newspaper and somehow make it look like a convincing turtle. Thank you grandma Judy for scouring the stores and hacking apart pieces from a ninja turtle costume so that Asher could look like a sweet turtle and not a sword wielding martial arts master reptile.

Elliot decided in November 2006 that he wanted to be a "Goblin" for Halloween and he resolutely stuck to his vision. He asked me as early as July if we could buy a cape for his goblin costume. No! Finally September rolled around and we were ready to purchase a cheap polyester cloak at Goodwill. He also wanted me to buy him a grotesque mask, but I told him it would be better to paint his face since masks smell, you can't see in them and it's hard to breathe in them as well. He somehow convinced Dan to buy him a mask a few weeks later. (Dan thought, he'll take it off after 2 minutes anyway). Well, he wore the mask to two houses on our trick or treating journey however after he tripped on a sloped lawn, he tossed it aside. The only problem was that he really didn't have a costume after that. He complained, "why does everyone say they like Asher's costume and not mine?" He's still brainstorming about next year's get up. I'm sure it won't include a mask.


Look at me, now I'm a real PTA mom. The mask did come in handy after all. I scared dozens of kids in my quest to sell holiday wreaths at the Harvest Howl. One mom asked me to show her daughter my real face.

Happy Birthday Dan! Chicken Bomb

Elliot is one of the most thoughtful 6-year old gift givers. He really thinks about the other person and he's often right on. Tools for Michael. Tea for Mom. A necklace for Britta. A monkey for Asher. A rubber chicken for Dad. For his dad's birthday he decided that a "chicken bomb" (and a dragon t-shirt) were what Dad needed.

According to Elliot, a chicken bomb is a "sweet gummy candy, it's actually healthy with nutrients and full of vitamins and minerals, with lots of calcium, and chicken hands and chicken feet on the ball." Where can you get a chicken bomb? Not at the usual toy stores, but they have them at Fred Meyer.

I did a search for chicken bomb and there is a book called The Milk Chicken Bomb by Andew Wedderburn about a troubled ten year old boy in Alberta Canada.

We Help Mommy - It's Mother's Day

"We Help Mommy" by Jean Cushman and Eloise Wilkin was one of my favorite books as a kid. Published in 1959, Wilkin's detailed illustrations are true to the spirit of that age's commercial print ads - large scale, crisp and realistic with a palette of pastels and bold reds and blues.

I was attracted to the comforting dailiness and the minutiae of the story - Martha has trouble putting her shirt on and her mother helps her; Martha dries the forks and spoons; Mommy buys the kids a picture book and some cookies at the supermarket. Each drawing is packed with sharp focus details - a row of geraniums sits in a window sill; a fireplace in their bedroom is arched with fluted curves; the kitchen floor is black with red and green confetti.

In the 1970s, animal characters and loose, scribbly illustrations dominated children's literature, so the realism must have been refreshing to me. And of course it was about Mommy, my favorite person in the world.

Now, I like the book not only out nostalgia, but because I hope it will inspire the boys to feel more responsibility for their role in our household. Look I can dress myself! May I please sweep the floor? I'll clean the toilet Mom. I'm serving you breakfast in bed Mommy. Asher is actually very motivated to learn how to do all cleaning right now. It must be developmental.

Happy Mother's Day to my Mommy! I love you.

Neurotic Angst + the Wild Magic of Growing a Family

I just finished reading "Waiting for Birdy: A Year of Frantic Tedium, Neurotic Angst, and the Wild Magic of Growing a Family" by Catherine Newman. Newman nailed the messiness and craziness of life with two really young kids. Very funny and mostly honest. She talks about her "grief stricken stupor of doting" and how "I wasn't prepared for my terror - twinned freakishly with this love."

She highlights the positive/wacky/strange elements more than the depressing aspects. She writes about her husband as if he's a complete saint, which I'm sure isn't totally accurate. Also, her older son is precocious and she often quotes him for no other purpose but to show how clever he is, but it still made me laugh and she's a good writer.

Spring Rituals

After a mostly disasterous Passover seder full of unruly kids last week (Alexa said, it was great to see that insanity is normal), we had a succesful mostly calm seder at Grandma and Grandpa's house on Easter sunday. When the boys do shabbat dinners at their house I'm told they have impeccable table manners. Victor produced a very short musical seder - all the hits of pesach - and the boys loved it, especially Asher. We took a break to dance around the living room. Asher asked for seconds of the gefilte fish. Everyone loved the matzah ball soup.

Kid Food

Pre-foodie revolution, my childhood in the 70s and early 80s was filled with truly terrible food: American cheese toast, creamed chipped beef on toast (my dad's specialty), avocado with mayonnaise (another favorite of my dad's), canned peaches on cottage cheese, canned green beans, spaghetti with meat marinara, baked chicken, hamburgers, kosher hot dogs, mac and cheese with hot dogs, tuna sandwhiches, iceburg lettuce salads with mushy tomatoes and Italian dressing, chicken casseroles. Mostly home made. But high in fat and sodium.

Danny lucked out, Roberta was always health conscious and created a childhood food landscape that was much more evolved. Although Danny says that he didn't appreciate it at the time - a typical meal might include any or all of the following: chicken with panko bread crumbs and plum sauce, turkey burgers, brown rice and tofu.

When I started making my own food as a pre-teen, I was compelled to load garlic butter on everything I ate. Spaghetti with garlic butter and parmesean cheese. I made my own "party mix " with pretzels and chex cereral saturated in hot salty garlic butter. I microwaved garlic butter slathered bagels (this concoction required that I cover the bagel in plastic wrap which melted into the bread). I peeled off the melted plastic, but I'm sure this multiplied my risk of cancer 100x. Sally and I went through a phase where we cooked hamburger patties with a side of canned sliced potatoes (with butter and salt of course). I also ate loads of peanut butter mixed with ice cream or chocolate. It was a miracle I didn't become obese.

So now as a parent, how do I feed my kids? Have I cultivated a international, healthy gourmet palette in my kids? Well international yes, but healthy, no. When we eat out it's easier to feed them. They both like burritos. They like noodles -- udon, pad thai, pad see ew, pho -- that's all good. Elliot used to like aloo matar paneer, but now he'll only eat tandori chicken and naan. Asher loves rice and bread.

But at home we're really a mess. We're rarely on top of it enough to make more than two things for dinner. Trader Joes dominates our refrigerator - fake corn dogs, fake chicken nuggets, quesadillas, baby carrots, pasta and cheese, turkey dogs, chicken noodle soup, string cheese, yogurt. We occassionally make lasagne or enchiladas (which the kids won't eat - Asher claims that he wants to eat the lasagne but then it just sits there). We can't figure out what to feed Asher, he's off meat, off cheese, off eggs, off chicken noodle soup, off pasta (mac and cheese included). He'll eat any fruit, dried or fresh. He'll eat bread. But no protein.

Last night we had an especially ambitious meal: leftover chicken, homemade mac and cheese, french lentils, broccoli with cheddar cheese and bread. Asher ate the bread. Elliot ate the chicken and broccoli (after much coercion), but refused to eat the mac and cheese (it wasn't like Amy's frozen mac and cheese).

Danny thinks its time to go out to eat more. I agree.

Wishing We Were in Hawaii

Cousin Ila, Uncle Joel and Aunt Bessie came to Seattle for Grandpa's 65th birthday bash / February Luau. A wild time was had by all. Plastic leis, tropical drinks, tiki torches and loopy kids running around. Who knew Danny was such a skilled hula hooper? It was bitterly cold outside, but most everyone came in Hawaiian-esque attire. At least it wasn't snowing (as it did twice later in the week - it's March, what's going on?).

Elliot has taken on the role of elder statesman in the family. (Gawd he's such a ham, we've got to sign him up for acting classes.). His card for Grandpa included all of the grandkids. Note how Ila is wearing a dress and has long blond hair. Happy Birthday Grandpa!

5 Things You May Not Know About Me

I'm usually a lurker on other people's blogs - I visit a handful of blogs weekly but I rarely leave comments. So I was surprised when I saw my name on Kerilyn's blog - challenging me to do a meme - 5 unique things about me. The pressure! It's a good exercise though. I've gotten to know Kerilyn better, I had no idea she's a Middle Eastern history buff and a map fanatic.

Here is my list:

1. I once caught a thief breaking into a car outside my work in San Francisco and blurted out, "You shouldn't do that." He looked at me in disbelief for a second then grabbed a briefcase and laptop and ran off down an alley. Someone called the police and they came immediately. The police whisked me into the front seat of the patrol car and took me on a high speed tour of the neighborhood (I remember laughing inappropriately). We actually found him a few blocks away. He was easy to spot -- baseball cap, big mop of curly red hair, wearing a blue jumpsuit. I slid down in the car afraid he would see me. They arrested him and took him away in another car.

2. When I pass by streetlights at night - it seems like 4 out of 5 times the lights turn off. Danny says he never notices that happening to him. Is it just me? Does this happen to everyone?

3. I regularly fly in my dreams. I'm usually aware I'm flying, concentrating on keeping myself above the ground. It's not free and easy flying. It's a whole body experience, flying over houses and cars at night when the air is wet and heavy.

4. I'm obsessed with medical histories and narratives. I devour any medical article in the New Yorker immediately. I was in a used bookstore the other day and I was amazed that I had read nearly every book in their medical section (it was just a shelf long though). Mary Roach's Stiff. Atul Gawande's Complications. The Great Influenza. The Plauge. Leper Colony. Ebola. The Hot Zone. The Mold in Dr. Florey's Coat. Phantoms in the Brain. Oliver Sacks. How the Mind Works.

5. I vividly remember a few nightmares from my early childhood. Both are probably sad comments on the impact of television on my life. In one dream I'm terrified as I'm locked in Carpeteria, the carpet warehouse, for the night. In my other dream I'm chased by the Michelin Man - who is supposed to be what? A cute marshmallow character? A stack of fluffy white tires? I don't get it, he's very, very frightening. He's a dreadful mummy.

Ok so I'm supposed to tag 5 more people to do this meme. Bessie - you're it. Anyone else? I dare these non-bloggers: Sheila, Mom, Roberta and Britta send me your lists!

Lunchbox Saga

When Elliot lost his bumblebee mini backpack/lunchbox in December, we looked in lost and found but it had disappeared into a black hole in his elementary school. So we bought him a replacement Star Wars "May the Force Be With You" vinyl lunchbox - Thermos brand. Inside the lunchbox a note claimed that it had no traces of lead - a reference to the lawsuits filed by the Center for Environmental Health (CEH) against makers and retailers of soft vinyl lunch boxes that can expose children to harmful levels of lead. Of course he loved the Star Wars lunchbox and never lost it.

Last week, I left his lunchbox on the kitchen table with food in it and discovered in the morning that something (a raccoon? a tiger? a Norwegian rat!!!!) had ripped open the vinyl siding and shredded the zipper and gorged on the rotting food inside. Sadly, the force was not with the lunchbox, it did not survive the vicious attack. Needless to say I was disturbed, I shrieked a few times in disbelief. Bad mommy, I made things much worse. Elliot was really traumatized. We left the house and went to whole foods for breakfast. We called rodent control later that day. We hadn't closed up a few holes inside the house after the remodel and that's how they got in, but that's another story. So now I'm on the hunt for lunchboxes again.

I don't think I'm going to go the vinyl route again. In Mothering Magazine they recommended avoiding the following three plastics:
#3 (PVC/phthalates; hormone disrupters)
#6 (polystyrene/styrene; human carcinogen)
#7 (polycarbonate/bisphenol-A; hormone disruptor)

Here are my two front runners for new lunchboxes:

Cool Tote
Cool Tote Lunch Bags are free from lead, and the lining is made of nylon which is very safe. As you may know, nylon is even used to make toothbrush bristles. We choose nylon because it is much more durable than vinyl, and it is easy to wipe clean every day so there is no buildup of bacteria from left over lunch materials.

Asiana West Junior Lunchbox
Insulated construction designed to keep warm foods warm and cold foods cold. These stylish, lightweight, compact containers are built tough and great for meals on the go, or for general-purpose storage for just about whatever you might want to use them for. Great for children’s school meals and snacks. Available in 3 bright colors, each with a removable compartment divider. 7” x 5” x 3”. - $17.95 each

Q & A with Elliot

Q: If you could be any age, how old would you be?
A: I would be 13 years old.

Q: How would your life be different if you were 13?
A: I would buy stuff you don't want me to buy, like the skeleton in the cage. I'd buy 95 bayonettes. [This is in reference to some toys he wanted before Halloweeen. His memory is both a cause for alarm and pride. I hope his comment isn't prescient.]

Q: What kind of clothes would you wear?
A: I'd wear sports clothes, athletic pants. I like sports.

Q: What sports would you play?
A: I'd play football.

Q: That's it? No swimming? No baseball? No soccer?
A: Just football. I like to tackle people.

Q: What music would you listen to?
A: Pirate's music. Captain Jack Sparrow.

Q: Would you play any instruments?
A: I'd play jazz. I'd be in a jazz band and play two instruments, the saxophone and the trumpet. I'd play When the Saints Come Marching In on the trumpet.

Q: What would you do to make the world a better place?
A: I would save the panda bears and give them more bamboo to eat. I wouldn't let anybody cut down the best trees in the world. I want everybody to have a very nice home.